DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two years ago I began an affair with a married man. I am separated. We met at my workplace, but didn't work together. We enjoyed each other's company, but I always felt there was something a little different about him. About a year into the affair, one of his co-worker buddies, who happened by my workplace -- and had no idea of the affair -- made a comment about my lover. Shocking as it was, it didn't surprise me. He came out and said that basically, "You didn't bend over around him, that he should know, they played hockey together." I had some suspicions; a girl just knows... well, I took this comment back to my lover. He went quiet for a few seconds, didn't get angry and didn't deny the comment. He made some reference to an episode that happened in the shower after a hockey game. I felt sick to my stomach. He then proceeded to give his two-week notice at this job, and within a month he was gone and found employment elsewhere. Strange, considering he claimed to really enjoy his job. I have since ended the affair, amicably. He is still in his marriage. My dilemma, and it honestly bothers me, is that he's a hockey coach in the Winnipeg Minor Hockey Association. I often wonder if he should be. I wonder if this is standard behaviour for a coach, and if his young players' parents would appreciate this! He is in a high level of trust, but his actions are very unbecoming. What should I do? -- Wondering, Winnipeg
Dear Wondering: Your ex-lover left his place of work because his co-worker outed him to you, and the co-worker will have told other people, too. Of course, a married hockey coach would want to hide his behaviour for many reasons. Let's be clear: homosexual or bisexual people do not necessarily prey on young people. But, you're hinting this recent affair partner approached another adult hockey player in the showers. That's predatory, therefore worrisome. You wrote me on paper with no identifying names or address for you. I can only urge you to contact the Winnipeg Minor Hockey Association with a warning about this man, by name, as it saves a witch hunt where everyone is under suspicion. You don't know if anything has ever happened with the young guys that have been on his teams. Nevertheless, even ONE abused boy is a tragedy of untold proportions and it is very important to try to ensure this doesn't happen.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm dating a white man who is not my race and my parents thought they would hate him. But then they met him, and they couldn't help but love him! I want to marry with him but our grand-parents will "choke and die," say my parents here in Winnipeg. The grandparents still live on the other side of the ocean. Do I owe them anything now? -- Modern Granddaughter
Dear Modern: Your grandparents will not "choke and die," but they will try to run interference if you ask for their approval. Unless it would be likely they'd be coming to your wedding here, send invitations and present the mixed marriage as a done deed in the wedding pictures. Grandparents usually can't resist seeing their grandbabies and tend to "forgive" the babies' parents to facilitate the baby-holding.
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