DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a sticky situation going on. My girlfriend's mom and dad recently broke up. They have a lot of money so my girlfriend's mother went to what my mom calls a "fat farm" and stayed for three weeks. She came back almost 20 pounds thinner with a tan, a new haircut and a clothes that make her look 10 years younger. My girlfriend is only 18 and her mom had her out of wedlock at age 16. That means there's only a few years difference between them, in looks now. The other day I came over to my girlfriend's house. Her mother greeted me at the door with "Come in, sweetie. She'll be home in 10 minutes." Then she said, "Care to join me for a drink by the pool?" Thinking back, I should've said, "I'll just wait in the car." But like a fool I went out by the giant pool where she took off her cover-up thingy and was wearing a bikini no mother should wear. I swallowed the whole martini, was just pouring myself another one when my girlfriend arrived and screamed, "MOM! What are you doing with my boyfriend?" and dragged me into the house. She says she never wants me to come over when her mother is home again. I said, "What's your problem? I didn't do anything." She said, "I can't trust my mother anymore, she's turned into a skank." Now I have to meet her at the end of the driveway and I'm thinking of bailing on this whole situation. -- Innocent, Southdale
Dear Innocent: If you care about your girlfriend, humour her while her mother gets over the first wacky months of separation. Men and women do crazy things when their self-esteem suddenly takes a beating. Mom was probably trying to see what a young man would think of her new look. No doubt she was flirting, and her daughter knew it. Assure your sweetheart you are man enough to tell her mother to back off if she makes flirtatious moves. That's what your girlfriend needs to hear -- that you would not be taken in by any crazy moves her mom might make. After a few weeks you can pick her up at the door again, but don't go in if she's not there.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A girlfriend of mine broke up with her six-year live-in boyfriend over a year ago and they still live together as platonic friends. She owns the house, and the breakup was amicable. I say it's their business, but a mutual friend of ours keeps bringing it up with me and others. He says she should tell the ex to move out, that continuing to live together is unhealthy and they can't "move on" until he moves out. The girlfriend says he pays rent and helps with the pets. What is your opinion on situations like this? -- Just Askin', Winnipeg
Dear Askin': This sounds like case of unfinished romantic business on one side, or both. These two may have ended up as good friends, though bored with each other physically but they still hope the physical side might rekindle. What they're doing precludes a new love life for either of them. This no-sex, no-romance life could be laziness, lack of desire for anybody at all, or not enough money to hold onto the house on the woman's side. Tell your friend to ask the couple involved, not to talk about with friends.