DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a real idiot. I live in an apartment underneath a guy who's got a lot of money and a few girlfriends. He's a player and he's single and I'd say about 40. I'm recently divorced, no kids and in my early 30s. My bedroom is directly below his and he doesn't have a rug. He and his female partners have kept me awake many a night but I don't say anything because I kind of have a crush on him myself. But the other night took the cake! It was 4 a.m. before things settled down. This morning I went upstairs MAD and banged on his door and said, "If you and your galpal keep me awake one more night with your loud sexual shenanigans I will have you thrown out of this block if it's the last thing I do!" He said, "I can't talk now, but come up again at 3 o'clock for tea." It was a Saturday. I put on too much make-up and went back. Well, to make a long story short, I got home to my place after drinks and dinner, way too much wine, a fire in the fireplace and four hours in his bed. Now I have no idea what to say or do. I'm in lust. What happens when he has other women over now? How can I help wanting him again? Shoot me now! -- Latest Idiot in His Line-Up
Dear Idiot: If you can't stop the fever, do what you can for the symptoms. Change your bedroom with another room if it really bothers you to listen in. Request he buy a thick rug for his floor. Wear ear plugs! If all else fails, ask to change apartments in the block. As for falling into his bed again for a tumble on a lonely night or Saturday afternoon, I'd bet big money you'll be there a few more times until it hurts more to be one of his stable than it gives you pleasure. You DO know about safer sex methods don't you? There is no such thing as 100 per cent safety and he does have a number of partners taking turns now. Please take care of yourself as best you can, you lust-crazed woman.
Dear Mrs. Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I are trivia buffs and play every trivia game we can get our hands on. But there is one problem, I can't lose and she can't win. Now, this might not seem like much of a problem, except she gets upset when she doesn't win, so here and there, I'll throw a contest so she can bask in the glory of victory. The problem is, if she found out that I let her win sometimes, I think that might hurt her and I don't want to do that. If I win all the time, it's no fun for her and she gets frustrated. Lately, she has become suspicious of my game (I've let her win right near the end) and I'm adamant SHE was just better. I don't want to lie to her, but we love the games. What do you suggest? Thanks. -- Know It All, St. Vital
Dear Know It All: Nobody wants someone to cheat for them to win -- except kids too little to know what's up -- so stop it. There's a feeling in the air when somebody throws a game and it's easiest to pick up in people you know well. There's a gamey smell to it. What you're doing is well-meaning but it's perceived to be condescending. If you want to do anything for her, help her train. Buy her trivia study books, and find her spots to play online, where she's at her level and challenged to go higher. Let her beat challenging people fair and square. Then she can take you on again and kick your butt one day. Unless, of course, you're so competitive you will secretly start studying harder, to make sure you're still better. Some couples are so competitive they're best not to play trivia, Risk or even bridge at the same table. If you are one of these people, compete against other people.
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