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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Wedding was pretend, pain it caused is real
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Long ago and far away I met a beautiful young man and fell in love. We got married in a non-legal ceremony on a beach at sunset with a hippie wedding dress and ring and everything. That relationship fell apart and I came back to Canada. A few years later I met a wonderful man and we got married for real -- legally. I have always been true. But, thanks to the dubious wonders of the Internet, my old ex-love from the other country found me and sent wedding pictures people took of us over there. He meant no trouble, just sharing a bit of the past. Well, I accidentally left the picture open and my husband walked by and saw me all dressed in white long dress on the beach looking in love and wearing a ring. Now there's hell to pay! "Why didn't you tell me you were married before? Is this bigamy? What else have you not told me? Are you still in love with him?" Finally I got my "ex" to write and explain the situation and apologize for upsetting my husband, and now he finally believes the truth. But, he has not slept in the same bedroom with me since. Can you help? -- Not a Bigamist, Brandon
Dear Not a Bigamist: It's odd you didn't tell your husband you had a pretend wedding. It's the kind of lying by omission about life situations that makes people wonder what else you're hiding -- affairs, offshore bank accounts, plans to get back together with someone. You two need professional help now. It was decent of your ex-love to write your husband and it has probably helped him somewhat, but he's still withholding himself from you because he doesn't trust you. A good relationship counsellor can help reduce the mistrust significantly and the rest will take time to and more counselling to come back. The fact he needs to digest? He has been your only man, ever since you met. You haven't cheated on him but he's so mixed up he needs to hear that from someone else, like a counsellor.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I cry a lot. Tears just well up. I'm so easily touched and cry over TV shows. I'm easily hurt, easily frightened. When I am frightened I sometimes have to run to the bathroom to be sick. I often feel on the verge of tears for no reason. What is wrong with me? -- Crying Again, Downtown
Dear Crying: You need to see your doctor right away about depression and/or anxiety. You shouldn't have to be fighting these strong emotions all the time. It isn't normal to have all your emotions sitting there at the surface with your eyes ready to brim over. Your body is sounding the alarm, saying you need a diagnosis, perhaps some medication and certainly some counselling help. That's nothing to be ashamed of. We all go through some bad periods in life where we need help. You don't say how old you are but could your hormones be playing havoc? Your doctor will test for that and other possible factors.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 31, 2010 C3
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