Dear Shocked: The guilty excuse sounds phony at this late date. Perhaps he and his wife have worked something out, and they're being warmer towards each other and don't need your extra spicing. Or, maybe this man's just tired of fantasizing with a woman he is NEVER going to be allowed to hold skin-to-skin even thought you live in the same city. He may not be as into "just phone sex" as you are -- after all, it was you who presented the deal, not him. Experiments like this can easily go cold with no physical contact allowed. It's not that hard to find someone to cheat with for real.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I would never wear freaking argyle socks, but this morning when I was leaving my girlfriend's bedroom for work, I saw a large, stretched-out men's argyle sock halfway out from under the bed. She's a lousy liar and the sock was huge. She started to bawl as I held it up, and I instantly had tears running down my face. Miss L., I treated her like gold and fulfilled every crazy kinky fantasy she had -- even the horsie-ride thing. I loved her and wanted to please her. I just don't get it. The guy with the argyle sock dumped her on her head eight months ago because she was "too much" sexually. So the private school product, boring in bed, wins my girl. And did I mention he's filthy rich? There was nothing left to say. Cheat on me and I'm gone. All I remember is her tear-stained face, mouthing the word "goodbye" at the window. -- Don't Understand Women, South End
Dear Don't Understand: Some heartbroken women can fantasize for months or years about the man who left them, finally realizing what a BIG MISTAKE they made. At first, it feels like a victory to see that ex at the door, begging entrance, and saying everything she ever wanted to hear before. She thinks: "I was the best woman -- his dream girl -- after all!" But it's a short triumph. Most often the problems, which seem to disappear for a time while both exes are on best behaviour tend to reappear quickly. You'll note she was happy to go back to bed with you. So, what will you do when she comes back after you, wanting the devotion and exciting sex? Mr. Straight's money isn't going to make him any better in bed. This may be cold comfort, but you were right to leave her. She's an emotional coward, and she wouldn't have had the guts to be honest with you in a life together.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email email@example.com