Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

We're sorry... but his number is no longer in service

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'll just say it outright. I'm really into phone sex, and I have been conducting a secret affair totally by phone for four months with a man in this city. I never meet him to do anything dangerous like exchanging bodily fluids, but we have phone sex three or four times a week, and more if my husband is away on business. I met him at a local conference and we were madly attracted, but both married. This is the deal I worked out: We would never touch or meet, never putting our partners whom we love, in danger. But, we would spice up our boring love lives with each other. That way we could both stay content in our ho-hum marriages. Now, out of the blue, he says he feels "guilty" and can't do it anymore. What does that really mean? -- Completely Shocked, Tuxedo

Dear Shocked: The guilty excuse sounds phony at this late date. Perhaps he and his wife have worked something out, and they're being warmer towards each other and don't need your extra spicing. Or, maybe this man's just tired of fantasizing with a woman he is NEVER going to be allowed to hold skin-to-skin even thought you live in the same city. He may not be as into "just phone sex" as you are -- after all, it was you who presented the deal, not him. Experiments like this can easily go cold with no physical contact allowed. It's not that hard to find someone to cheat with for real.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I would never wear freaking argyle socks, but this morning when I was leaving my girlfriend's bedroom for work, I saw a large, stretched-out men's argyle sock halfway out from under the bed. She's a lousy liar and the sock was huge. She started to bawl as I held it up, and I instantly had tears running down my face. Miss L., I treated her like gold and fulfilled every crazy kinky fantasy she had -- even the horsie-ride thing. I loved her and wanted to please her. I just don't get it. The guy with the argyle sock dumped her on her head eight months ago because she was "too much" sexually. So the private school product, boring in bed, wins my girl. And did I mention he's filthy rich? There was nothing left to say. Cheat on me and I'm gone. All I remember is her tear-stained face, mouthing the word "goodbye" at the window. -- Don't Understand Women, South End

Dear Don't Understand: Some heartbroken women can fantasize for months or years about the man who left them, finally realizing what a BIG MISTAKE they made. At first, it feels like a victory to see that ex at the door, begging entrance, and saying everything she ever wanted to hear before. She thinks: "I was the best woman -- his dream girl -- after all!" But it's a short triumph. Most often the problems, which seem to disappear for a time while both exes are on best behaviour tend to reappear quickly. You'll note she was happy to go back to bed with you. So, what will you do when she comes back after you, wanting the devotion and exciting sex? Mr. Straight's money isn't going to make him any better in bed. This may be cold comfort, but you were right to leave her. She's an emotional coward, and she wouldn't have had the guts to be honest with you in a life together.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 6, 2009 A58

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