Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Why not find someone who cares about you?

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got sick from one of my casual sex buddy liaisons -- not the kind of sexually transmitted infection that kills you, but the kind you don't "clap" about, if you get my drift. I'm fine after the antibiotics. Can you believe the gall of this guy -- once he knew I was in the clear, he phoned me up and asked me for "another night of fun and games." He swore he was fine now, too, as if that would clinch it. I told him to get lost and lectured him on what he gave to me and the embarrassment and self-loathing it cost me. To me there is nothing worse than the ugly G-word, unless it's AIDS. I have learned my lesson. My sex buddies from now on will be limited to people who are willing to do twin tests with me. I know one who will, and I'll stick with him. I don't want a serious relationship right now, and only need once-a-month maintenance sex, as I'm in my last year of a master's degree, and extremely busy with my thesis. I just want to warn people to be VERY careful of their sex buddies or they could have the same thing happen. Good thing I didn't sleep with my other one before I found out I'd gotten infected. The cautious guy -- a real sweetheart -- and I, are both going to get tested this week. -- Hot Tip For Your Readers, St. Boniface

Dear Hot Tip: Well, congratulations to the two of you, I think. It's good you're going to be protected for a time. But don't you want to be loved while you get your big education? A master's often leads to a doctorate. Shouldn't the greater lesson here be NOT to indulge in casual sex with people who have no emotional connection or feeling of protectiveness towards you? Why can't you have an understanding, busy partner who cares about you as a person this year? Wouldn't the same active brain that allows you to get a master's degree tell you that the sex-buddy situation -- you visit only once a month -- leaves your partner open to finding other partners? What then -- the three of you go for tests together?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a trip to Eastern Europe and fell in love. I came home to Canada and wanted nothing more than to go back there and be with him. We wrote for six months and today I opened the mail and got a shock. He said he was sorry to tell me, but he was now engaged. How did he go from zero to engaged with a woman in that short time when he was still writing me all those love letters? He says he's in love with two women at once -- with me and her -- but at least she is there in his country. Do you think he was seeing HER while he was seeing me on my trip? I never did see his home as he said his folks lived there. We always stayed at my rental and "played house" there. I am so heartbroken. -- The Tourist Fool, Winnipeg

Dear Fool: You didn't say how long you were there, but there's a good chance he'd be able to pull off an affair on the side with an exotic Canadian for a few weeks or a month. That would work as long as you didn't go to his place where the young woman may live already -- or just his parents are living and would find clues and quickly put the kibosh on your romance. It is heartbreaking to be "taken" and even worse that you had to know he is about to get married. That detail was cruel and unnecessary. On the other hand, the more disgusting his behaviour, the sooner you will get over him. He may feel good now he's told the whole truth to you and ready to get on with his life and his wife-to-be. Or, he may already be married. Look, your friends and family will be relieved not to lose you to this overseas double-crosser, and will hope you will find a better guy here at home. (P.S. Maybe find an amusing guy who can do a couple of accents just for fun -- if an exotic voice and charming speech turns you on.)

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press,1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 9, 2011 D3

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