Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You could be the one who gets shelved

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There's a slacker at work I plan to torpedo. I happen to have the ear of the new boss who just started, and he trusts my judgment around this office. I'm not saying anything until Dec 27, because I'm not mean enough to get anybody fired before Christmas. Today I made the mistake of telling my naive young wife what I was thinking of doing, and she said she was "disappointed" in me -- jarring words to hear from your bride of less than a year. I told her I'd shelve the idea until the end of January and she said, "Watch out who's being shelved, Scrooge." Do I really have anything to worry about? -- Mr. Scrooge, North End

Dear Scrooge: You have a bigger problem than you realize. You marriage is new and hasn't completely jelled. Perhaps you're the one your bride's referring to when she talks about watching who's getting shelved. Women tend to lose sexual interest in men they start looking down upon. If she's had you on a pedestal because you're older and wiser, you may be on the verge of falling off. Tell her you've decided to instigate talks with your co-worker about the extra work you're having to do because he's not holding up his end, and then do it. Sneakiness and/or meanness is not a trait any wife wants in her new mate.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a long affair with a man which ended earlier this year. We're both married. We'd enjoyed being together, and had great sex. We were both unhappy in our current relationships, but not planning on leaving our spouses. We fell in love and were inseparable. He said that if I ever wanted to stop what we were doing all I had to do was say so, but it wasn't going to be him. Then his spouse found out about the affair. She took him back, and it's been a rough go with their relationship. He then started becoming more distant in our relationship, saying he wanted to make things right with his wife -- but he still wanted me in his life. Then one day he told me that the person he wants, he can't have -- which is "me"! He wanted me to leave my family and start a new life with him. I told him it's not that easy. Now he has cut all communications with me. NO WORD! It has been months; I still don't have any answers. What do you make of this? He is still with his wife. -- Hurt and Confused, Winnipeg

Dear Hurt and Confused: What do you expect? Your husband doesn't know about your affair, so you're still safe in your little nest at home. His wife DOES know about her husband's affair, and he's in big trouble at home. He'll be highly scrutinized by an unhappy and suspicious wife. Then he offers you the chance to be together with him, and YOU tell him you won't do it. So, why on earth should he make things worse for himself and his suffering wife by continuing to sneak off to see you? Leave the man alone! You want to have two men at once, like you did before, but those days are over.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend believes in heaven and hell and I don't. We argue over this late at night and sometimes go to sleep emotionally exhausted and SO tired of each other. How can we stop this? -- Arguing All the Time, St. Boniface

Dear Arguing: You can be "right" or you can have a relationship. People are entitled to their beliefs. People should be able to believe in the teachings of their individual religions or their own philosophical thoughts, and they can just hope. If you two are going to argue over who is right or wrong on these kinds of issues -- especially in bed at night when emotions run high -- you're going to be miserable. Why not "agree to disagree" over numerous topics and just enjoy the rest of knowing each other? If you can't do that, you need to find people who believe exactly the same things you do. Yawn.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 22, 2011 D5

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