Miss Lonelyhearts

Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You fell for boyfriend's breakup scheme

By: Maureen Scurfield / Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 09/25/2010 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I think I'm single. I'm 23, in a hard year of university, and putting pressure on myself to have high grades. My guy's working several jobs. This week he used some of his sick days and said we are going to have a day dedicated to spending time with each other, so I cleared my schedule. Then he bailed on me to hang out with the guys. This happened three times this week, and it's only Thursday! He feels like I "keep him prisoner" and I feel like I'm abandoned, lonely, and deprived. My boyfriend doesn't seem to appreciate the effort and sacrifices I give to spend quality time with him. So, today I told him we should not be together! We've been dating four years and both thought we'd be perfect to marry each other. -- Girl in Love With a Boy, Winnipeg

Dear Help: Maybe the girl and the boy need to take time off to become the woman and the man. Your youngish guy has purposely jerked you around three days in a row. He's probably trying to anger you and get dumped -- a cowardly but common trick. So you gave the prisoner what he wanted -- freedom. It's actually a good time to take time off this relationship, for you to achieve some important goals at school and for him to be free. He may want to hang out with friends and experiment with other girls. And, think about this: When you're free from this guy, you may find an even better guy at university to date. If you're not excessively mean to the present guy other over the breakup, you may end up getting back together one day, since you're basically compatible though too young to be locked in. Bottom Line For You: During this difficult year in school ---- actually just eight fast months -- you need untroubled love and support and affection, or perfect freedom to study, and chill with friends who don't stress you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found a cheque for $1,000 written to my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend in the back pocket of his jeans when I was washing them. Why would he be sending her money? I went on the Internet and found out she has a little girl, in the same city where he often flies for business and where he lived until only a year ago. I put two and two together and found out her phone number and called her up. It seems he's been leading a double life where I'm concerned, but she's known about me all along. She swears they don't sleep together, but he comes to visit his daughter regularly and pays support, and stays over. (He only uses his cell, so I don't call him at hotels.) How should I approach him? He's acting really weird this week. -- Torturing Him, St. Vital

Dear Torturing: No wonder he's acting weird. You can bet his other woman called him right after she hung up with you. But, you have said absolutely nothing, so he's thinking "Could she have believed the ex and she's OK with this? Nah, that's not possible! But maybe . . . ." The reason he wouldn't have told you about her is the relationship with his ex includes sex, no matter what nonsense she swears to you. Otherwise, why not be open about it? Most guys would tell you on the first date if they had an ex and a child. No doubt he's been running a double game with sex at both ends of his business trips. What do you want to do about that? Consult your lawyer if you've been living common law. Then open the breakup conversation with "I know the truth about what you've been doing."

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently took off 40 pounds with the hope I'd quit snoring. It helped to a degree, but the snoring is still happening. Is it true you can stop snoring by taking singing lessons? I heard this goofy thing recently, but it sounds kind of far-fetched. I used to be a choir singer in high school and college. --ZZZ, Tuxedo

Dear ZZZ: The singing method works best on people who are not overweight, so it might be good for you. Check out this article, which discusses the ups and downs honestly: http://ezinearticles.com/?Stop-Snoring-Through-Singing&id=451075. Others contained too much hype as the people were trying to sell tapes with the exercises. A real singing teacher and a choir could help you strengthen your palate within a few months, but you'd have to keep it up.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 25, 2010 C8

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