Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You should tell your husband you've fallen out of love

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I married a decent guy. I don't "make love" with him, but we have sex twice a week. Six months ago my high school sweetheart and his wife divorced and he contacted me on Facebook and we email -- with just one short phone call to hear each other's voices. He's coming to Winnipeg next month. I know I shouldn't see him, but I will. Nothing can stop me, and here's the worst part: I will cheat on my husband that evening. But isn't it cheating on me if I don't? What if I try it with my ex and find out that feeling is gone and then I can go back to my husband and feel happy to be with him? Isn't that good for our marriage? If I tell my husband about the experiment first, all hell will break loose with him and the kids, who are in their teens. I feel sick about this, but what other options do I have? -- Guilty Catholic, St. B.

Dear Guilty: If all you've done is Facebook, emailing and phoning, you may still be living in Fantasyland. It's time to involve face-to-face Skyping and hope the physical attraction is no longer there. If you're still attracted, a grim good luck to you. The fair thing to do is tell your husband you're not in love with him, and are going to break free. But then, there's the kids to consider. After two decades of frequent divorce, research tells us that kids do better in less-than-OK marriages where the parents are still polite, than they do in broken-home situations. Since your kids are already teens, could you not put off a breakup and reunion with this other guy until they are out of high school? It's a thought.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm lesbian and crazy in love with polar opposites. I love a brilliant, slightly kinky woman and I also love a sweet, straightforward woman who's a great companion. The first woman dismisses me from her life five or six days a week -- and I'm not allowed to call her -- but when she's summoned me, it's very intense and I'm mentally exhausted for days after. My dear sweet companion woman is by my side, and we do everything together, including having comfortable sex. The odd thing is she knows about the other woman and is intrigued by my stories, and lives vicariously through them. But now she wants a commitment of living together/marriage. She and I are both in our early 30s and she'd like to share a baby with me. Should I go for it? -- Don't Totally Trust This, Wpg.

Dear Don't: Despite all evidence to the contrary, some misguided people continue to think that having a child is a good way to claim ownership of a hesitant partner's heart. Don't fall for this open marriage invitation. While your comfortable companion may have an unusual interest in your kinky stories, she'll be praying you get over this silliness, and cleave to your new family once she has the commitment -- and a plan for a baby. Time to bid her adieu, for her own good.

 

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 4, 2011 D10

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