Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You'll find 20 years is too big a gap for most

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS; I'm an older guy with a penchant for women about 20 years or so younger than I am. That still makes them around 45 because I am a successful professional in my 60s. I recently lost a beautiful French woman because she said she wasn't able to devote the rest of her middle age to looking after someone who might "fall ill" at any time. I am insulted and angry. I'm the marathon runner; she's the slug. I will probably outlive her at the rate she's cooking with rich sauces and eating and drinking wine and sitting on her lovely bottom watching movies. So how do I deal with this unreasonable fear women have about me? It's the second time one of my ladies has decided the age gap is too wide, and left the relationship. I don't want women my age, frankly. I don't think like they do and they don't appeal to me physically. Any suggestions? -- Lonely But Healthy Heart

 

Dear Healthy: You say you're different from the norm, so you need to find a kindred soul in her 50s or 60s and value each other for being that way. So join a couple of running clubs and find some women who are in their 50s and in great shape from running daily. You might also phone up your exes and ask them to tell you exactly what they found "old" about you. It won't all be physical. Maybe some of your beliefs and attitudes didn't jibe with theirs since you were born in the 1940s and they were born in the 1960s. Once the initial dating/romancing phase is over, two people have to blend well to stay together, and 20 years is a big gap for most people.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I believe my husband is leaving the country to see another woman. He speaks as if he has a new aspect to his job which requires him to be away doing sales work two weekends a month. At a recent party, I mentioned this development to a close friend of his from his work and he skittered away from me so he didn't have to have that conversation. This week, I went on a paper chase and found some dinner receipts and I checked out those restaurants online. These types of restaurants are expensive and romantic and don't make sense unless he's seeing someone. I don't love this man anymore -- haven't for years, and we don't sleep together because I personally don't care about the sex anymore (he's a bore in bed). But, I don't want to lose one nickel of what we have together. Is he trying to get caught so he has an excuse to leave me? I have NO intention of leaving him and our lifestyle together. -- Nobody's Dummy, Winnipeg

 

Dear Nobody's Dummy: Staying together for the money is a much colder and nastier situation than staying together for the kids, and it's not worth it. You're going to have look so far the other way your head snaps, now he's starting to drop major clues for you, so allow yourself to face the situation. Obviously you're of the belief that no one else is going to get anything that's yours, even if you don't want it. But your husband and you no longer "belong" to each other, by the sounds of things. If it's only a matter of time before he tells you he wants a divorce -- and he can do that in this country without your consent -- you'd be smart to rush off to a domestic lawyer your husband doesn't know right now. You need to talk over what's to be done when the breakup time comes.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press,1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 2, 2011 C8

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