Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You're not the boss of her, skipper

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have been having trouble with my wife lately not listening to me. I am the older and wiser one of the relationship and she constantly tells me that I cannot do things that I know I can. The other day I said ,"Hey why don't we go down to The Forks and watch the fireworks from the water?" Well, she came at me like a TIGER and attacked me saying, "You can't go on the river. The water is way too high and there are logs floating that you can't see and the docks aren't in the water, and the cops are going to arrest you! I am NOT going!" Well, I had done all of my research by checking the river patrol website and it had stated that the ban was lifted and that it was okay to go but be cautious. I even called the river patrol and they said it was useable. I sat there with a full tank of gas in the boat ready to go and at my wits end as to what to do. Should I have just given her a swift backhand and gone? Please advise. -- Treacherous Waters, Wpg.

Dear Treacherous Waters: No backhands will be necessary! This may come as a surprise to you, but you are not the boss. You have an equal partnership. You can go on your own to do things your wife considers too dangerous for her, but she alone decides which chances she takes with her own life. If you end up at the bottom of the river, she will not. If you have a grand time on your own safely watching fireworks reflected in water, she will have missed out. That's it; that's all.. Your age doesn't make you the boss, nor does your sex. You are not her parent, either. And. . . she yells because she feels you aren't listening to her, and you aren't.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My fiancé is the third of four children, and his entire life he has known that he would get what was left after his older siblings (the oldest boy and the only girl) had received what they needed. He has grown accustomed to it, but it hurts him deeply and he doesn't think he's as valuable to his parents as these oldest two. While my fiancé is ignored regularly, his younger brother is continually shot down by their parents. He is told he has no skills, no ambition, and his anger is too much for them to deal with. The youngest in this family is barely over 18, and having spoken to him and discussed what he wants from life I strongly disagree with what his parents are saying. My fiancé's birthday passed recently. His mother was out of town at the time and did not acknowledge it in any way. I did my best to make it a special day for him, but I could not get rid of the pained look in his eyes from knowing that his parents and family had not even acknowledged the day. In the early evening, his younger brother did call. A week later his mother came home with a birthday present for the older brother (whose birthday is months away). She said not a word to my fiancé about his recent birthday, but started getting excited about my birthday (almost a month after my fiancé's) and asking what I wanted as a gift. I politely said that I did not need anything. What to do? -- Shocked by Cruelty, Winnipeg

Dear Shocked: This woman gets away with treating her kids cruelly because nobody calls her on it. Invite her out to lunch. Let her know how much it pains your man to get nothing -- not ever a greeting -- on his birthday and then have her fuss over his brother's upcoming birthday, and yours in front of him. Ask her why she does these things and wait stubbornly until she answers you. Let her know she has YOU to account to over these nasty behaviours, now that you're marrying her son. If she doesn't like you for it, too bad. And let her know you don't want brithday gifts from her unless she honours everyone else equally. If you two get a chance to move out of town and away from this mother-in-law do it before you have grandkids for her to hurt.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my second sweetheart -- the one who taught me how to kiss and make love at age 20. We stood and stared at each other in the St. Vital mall and then a slow smile spread across his face and he opened his arms for a big hug. I just lit up. I mean something inside me exploded. I think I may have had a standing orgasm if that is possible. When we composed ourselves we went for coffee and before we left he kissed me tenderly. He has a wife and family and he says he loves his wife. I don't love my husband and even less since this happened. How could that meeting be "it"? Can you have a free floating orgasm without making love? -- Dazed and Confused, Winnipeg

Dear Dazed: Yes, some people do have orgasms that come from very strong thoughts and feelings, witness the kind you can have in dreams. As for there being more with this guy -- your second love, there won't be anymore. This man had a "stolen moment' with you and then he went back to the love of 2011. You must do the same now.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 15, 2011 D8

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