Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You're the present, she's the past

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm writing about jealousy issues I can't shake. My boyfriend of eight months has a former "friend with benefits." Every time she's mentioned or around I shut down and get really insecure -- overwhelmed with feelings of fear, anger, jealousy, low self-esteem, hate for my own body. My boyfriend does nothing to make me feel she's a threat, and he only treats me kindly, with respect and all that good stuff. But I assume my boyfriend must desire her, simply because they slept together a few times a couple years ago. I feel bad because I, too, have friends who used to be friends with benefits, who I'm still friends with now, but do not desire in a sexual way. So why am I imposing these feelings on my boyfriend? I was bulimic from age 16 to 22 (I'm now 28) and I feel like the "voice" of my eating disorder has come back with a vengeance, just in a different form. I can't let it dominate my life again and ruin a great thing. Any suggestions? -- Just Can't Shake That Feeling, Fort Rouge.

 

Dear Just: You'd need to worry if this guy in your life was making love to a body, but he's not. He's crazy for YOU, the person who lives INSIDE your body. Get the difference? The former friends with sex benefits before you two met, are now nothing. Nada. Zip. Because the person inside was not important. You know how little you feel about your old sex buddies since you found love together with your new guy. Same for your boyfriend's former sex pal. It's time to make an appointment with the counsellor who helped you through your bulimia to tackle this. If you don't have anybody, write back.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Very interesting letter about the woman in retail with the guys staring at her chest. I have to reply. On the other side of the (retail) counter, when one is greeted by a very beautiful and voluptuous woman, it is hard to maintain propriety. And when she displays her charms due to a low-cut dress, well... If the woman is of legal adult age, that is one thing. But if she is only a teen, as are most retail workers, it is very hard to maintain eye contact and proper decorum. -- Old Enough to be a Grandfather, Winnipeg

 

Dear Old: Nothing like jailbait. Is that what you're saying? So you're an older guy who gawks at teenagers in low-cut outfits in local stores, but not at adult woman who can defend themselves with their wit? Listen, buster. You stay away from the jewelry stores and women's clothing counters where these young women are often working. If anyone catches you salivating over the breasts of someone's young daughter or niece in a store, let's hope they bump you very hard into the counter, while spewing phoney apologies! It works in France; it can work here too.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Valentine's Day is coming and I don't want to give my wife anything. Last year I gave her everything -- flowers, candy, a card and dinner. She gave me nothing. Other years she gave me a mushy card, but that's all. Last year -- absolutely nothing. I feel like paying her back. Should I? It's not my nature to be cheap, but last year hurt so much. -- Married Four Years, Westwood

 

Dear Married: Don't make it worse. Instead, say openly say to her, "Last year was disappointing for me as your partner on Valentine's Day. Either we decide to both give each other gifts and a night out, or we decide not to, but it has to be even. I would prefer to celebrate it." Say it nicely but assertively and see what happens. At her house, her dad may have done all the giving so she's just in need of an update on the 2010 way of doing things.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 2, 2010 C7

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

HSC ready for Ebola

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A baby Red Panda in her area at the Zoo. International Red Panda Day is Saturday September 15th and the Assiniboine Park Zoo will be celebrating in a big way! The Zoo is home to three red pandas - Rufus, Rouge and their cub who was born on June 30 of this year. The female cub has yet to be named and the Assiniboine Park Zoo is asking the community to help. September 14, 2012  BORIS MINKEVICH / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS
  • Down the Hatch- A pelican swallows a fresh fish that it caught on the Red River near Lockport, Manitoba. Wednesday morning- May 01, 2013   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Are you still on the Bombers' and Jets' bandwagons?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google