DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I walked in on my mother and father having sex in the living room. I knew what they were doing, and it definitely wasn't wrestling. (I'm 18, and have a steady girlfriend.) They thought I wouldn't be home that day as I was away with a friend's family. My dad couldn't care less that I caught them, but my mother still can't look at me. Do I need to say, "OK mom, I know that's how you and dad made me, and I've known for a long time?" Or should I let more time go by and hope she gets over it. I have no idea what to say to her. What do you suggest? -- Awkward Situation, Garden City
Dear Awkward: Tell your dad, who isn't embarrassed about sexual matters, that your mom still can't look at you since the incident. Ask him to tell her about your talk and that it's "no big deal" to you. That way you don't have to have the conversation yourself (nobody's going to enjoy it), but hopefully she'll get over her embarrassment and you can all get on with your lives.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend -- a big chubby bear of a guy -- is so desperate for a girlfriend that he's hanging around and playing daily chauffeur, liquor-fetcher and general servant to a woman who wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole. She already has several boyfriends -- one serious and a few "friends with privileges" -- since she needs sex every day, or so she tells my buddy. He regularly brings her drinks on a tray and she even made him cut and polish her toenails the other day. He only told me this because now he's getting drunk a lot at night after hanging around her.
He's "not allowed" over at night. He gets nothing except her daily morning rants on the telephone discussing other guys. She also grants him the "privilege" of cooking lunches for her (which he loves) and running her errands. He takes out her garbage, too. Our friends are worried about him and his obsession for this alcoholic witch. What can be done to pull him out of this? -- Worried Friend, Tuxedo
Dear Worried: He could last a long time enslaved to her, since humiliation doesn't seem to be a turnoff for him. Most people would have no tolerance for being used like this, but he certainly does. Perhaps this has developed into a mistress/slave thing and he isn't spelling it out to you, although the toenail-polishing was a hint. For him, it's like being in the inner circle with a queen or a movie star -- it's enough to be close to her, a privilege to listen to her and a chance to marvel at her life.
Why are you hanging around, sharing this and feeling sick for him? He's a grown man and this is his choice. Now you can make a choice for yourself and your peace of mind: tell him you've had enough of hearing about the way this woman treats him and to give you a call when she's through with him. She'll tire of him before he tires of her.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think Mr. Feeling Guilty, with his occasional gay activity, is a piece of work and very self-centred to boot. He needs to get the boot as well. How obtuse do you need to be when a new girlfriend asks you if you have ever had sex with another male? It's not exactly a question that automatically comes up in a budding relationship.
You are so right in telling him to tell the truth and back off, the sooner the better, before she forms a deeper attachment that will make it more painful and harder to break things off for her. I hope this dude is practising safe sex with his male partners and his girlfriend. She needs to know that she should get tested, too, because casual gay sex is probably not conducted in a real responsible manner in some cases. -- Fearless, Winnipeg
Dear Fearless: Bisexual readers are understandably insulted when they hear people say they are risky partners, especially if they are monogamous with their partners, no matter which sex, but when someone like this bisexual fellow will be sneaking off to have occasional casual sex with guys, there is a health risk involved for him and for his woman.
Everyone deserves to know what their real situation is in a close relationship -- like how many people are involved and what risks everyone is taking. Plus, everybody needs to use condoms as protection against sexually transmitted infections unless their relationship is rock solid. Most people don't know when the cheating begins.