Naked neighbour just likes to shock

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crazy woman in my block who's an exhibitionist. Now that it's getting darker earlier, I come home up the back stairs from the car and she's walking around in hardly any clothes. Today took the cake. I got home late -- about 7:30 p.m. -- and she was walking around her kitchen doing dishes without a stitch on. Her lights were on and the curtains open and there she was. I stopped for a minute and she saw me and walked over to the window on the landing where I was gawking. I almost dropped my groceries. She shut the curtains two feet in front of me in her birthday suit. She looked right at me. I'm a single guy without a girlfriend at the moment. What is she trying to do? I'd guess she's about my age. Does she want me to knock on her door? Is that what this is all about? What if I do and she pretends she's innocent and says I'm scaring her to the building superintendent? She has my head spinning. I asked my friend what I should do and his only suggestion was, "Drink heavily until you pass out." Got some other advice? -- Sorely Teased, Fort Rouge

Dear Teased: This woman is big trouble. She doesn't want sex with you, but loves to shock you. She likes the power she feels when she parades herself in front of you, behind the protection of a pane of glass. Your best bet is to heave a sigh, move on and remind yourself she has problems and would cause you even more problems. By the way, if she wanted to you to follow up and knock at her door, she wouldn't have closed the curtains. She would have beckoned with her finger. If you really don't want to see her again, use the front stairs so she "gets it" that her teasing game with you is over.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has been reading certain popular books and has decided she's going to be the dominant one in this sexual relationship, BUT I disagree. I want to be the dominant and I'm the guy, so I should be allowed this. She says she'll "play submissive" on days when she's tired and then I can be the one who determines the scene and sets the pace and she'll just do what she's told for a night. This doesn't sound like a very enthusiastic love slave. Neither one of us is happy to be submissive, so we've got a problem. Don't get me wrong; I love her. She is the sun, the moon and the stars, but she is also a pain in the butt. She needs to be put in her place. How do I get it through that stubborn head she has to WANT to play both roles if we are going to have any fun? I guess the same goes for me. How can you force a thing like this? -- Unwilling to Switch, the Exchange

Dear Unwilling: Neither one of you is really role-playing when you're being dominant, as you're both naturally bossy. The real challenge is to act out the opposite role to your natural bent and do a good job of it. Give switching over to playing submissve a whirl one night soon and see how your wife responds. She may find it so amusing she acts out her turn at the love-slave role with some panache. If both of you pout when it's your turn to be submissive you're not going to make a good match on the nights you want to role-play. Taking turns with enthusiasm is the way to win at this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Today, my doctor told me I was morbidly obese. How insulting! I felt like socking him in the face. Instead I said, "You should know." He's just as fat as I am with his big belly hanging over his waistband. I told my husband and he had the nerve to back up the doctor. He said, "I'm glad somebody told you the danger you're in." The hypocrite suggested I go on a diet immediately since I was in danger of losing my life. I said, "Buy some good life insurance for me then!" I don't want to go back to my doctor and have that fat man say, "I see you took my advice and lost weight." I don't want to give him the satisfaction, that pig. Should I change doctors? -- Insulted, Tuxedo

Dear Insulted: There's no sense in sticking with this doctor when you are willing to change your life by defying him. It doesn't matter a fig if your doctor's fat or thin himself. It matters that you dump the weight that might kill you. That's the bigger picture. How about losing some of the weight while you get busy finding yourself a reasonably fit doctor? You wouldn't like a totally fit doctor who got on your case any better than you like the obese one. The motivation has to come from within and it sounds as if you'll have to suffer some more health-wise before you're inspired.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 7, 2012 A15