Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/5/2014 (932 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man online who's turned out to be a great guy. In fact, he's so nice that I -- a woman used to indifferent or abusive treatment -- don't know what to feel. I hate to admit this, but in some ways he seems weak to me because he's so nice about everything. There are no fights to date. I kind of miss the drama. Things are a bit blah. I can get my way all the time. In his defence, he's very strong in the bedroom, so full marks for him there. -- Used to Abuse, West End
Dear Used to Abuse: If you want a little trouble, wait a few months. Once the infatuation stage has worn off, differences between couples appear and there will be a few arguments and some makeup sex. And maybe -- hopefully -- that will be enough for your drama yearnings. If you start off with a man who gives you trouble, you can end up with a really rotten guy once the infatuation stage wears off.
For once in your life, relish being treated well, enjoy the great sex, and see if you like him even better once he gives you a little argument and ordinary times set in. That's usually three to six months after meeting, so you have those scraps to look forward to.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is on fire in the bad way. It's like my girlfriend lit it with a match before she took off from my farm with all her stuff in the back of her truck. I am in so much pain. I don't know how to deal with a major heartbreak -- this is my first at age 32. I feel like I'm burning in hell. I'm not saying I'm suicidal, but this a crisis I was not trained to deal with by anyone. I don't have any sisters and my mother is dead. I can't even eat. Last night I got drunk by myself and felt like I was going to die, but then I woke up this morning. Can you please help me? -- Mouth of Hell, Manitoba
Dear Flames: Your first stop is the doctor's office. You need to talk to someone who understands that you can't even get any nourishment down. Throwing your body into crisis makes your situation even worse. You may need temporary medication to calm you down enough to be able to swallow.
In the meantime, let me explain what can constitute "food" for the broken-hearted: little cans of Boost from the pharmacy, which are full of nutrients. Even an ordinary milkshake is better than nothing, and certainly better than the booze you guzzled last night. Keep yourself hydrated with water. Even though you don't feel like eating, go to the store and buy things you used to love eating. Things that heat in the oven and smell delicious, like pizza, might tempt you back into the eating world.
Today, you need to tell somebody your girlfriend is gone, someone who can be depended on to tell 10 other people you know. That way people will quit asking about her, as if she might be still with you. Finally, speed this whole painful process up by writing out your feelings until you're bored of them and by talking to a counsellor. Find one in a bigger centre near you, for privacy's sake.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6