No such thing as 'too old'; seize the day and shack up

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 70, and my boyfriend of a year is 88. We have gradually gotten to know each other, have so much in common, with lots of conversations, outings and fun. We have fallen in love. Our grown children like each of us. Recently he has "proposed" that he move into my wonderful small house. His plan involves renovating my basement so he can have his own private space. He says he wants to be my "house husband" (he's a great cook). He's a lovely man, lively mentally and physically. We planned an overseas trip this summer to meet both our daughters and families. I am torn between wanting his company and fearing this change. I have happily lived alone for the last seven years. Some of my friends encourage me. Others say he's too old, and I'd be getting myself into a terrible mess. All I have said to him is that I will discuss it. -- Ambivalent, Winnipeg

Dear Ambivalent: Go for the gusto! Enjoy each other to the fullest in your wonderful little house and realize this man is aware you might need a little space, so he will happily make a little suite in the basement. Why not? Your discouraging friends are jealous that you have found somebody, so ignore their negativity. What is the total value of a wonderful small house on its own? If you can also fill it with the love and joy and laughter of two people, why not make it a great big house of love? So what if your man lives another year or another 10 years? You're 70. You could get sick tomorrow and die before he does. Take a chance! That is what living the best life is all about. If you don't do this, you may regret it all your life. If you do it, and it doesn't work out, you will just change the arrangement. But then, at least you gave it your best try and you know.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There are booty buddies and there are friends with benefits. I thought I was getting a friend with benefits, but that isn't happening. Instead I have this 24-year-old woman who drops in after the bar on the weekend, with a quick call first from her cell. If I am home, she cabs it over and we have a sex right away. It is great sex. I need it; I am young. But then she wants the boyfriend extras, like cuddling and conversation and back rubs and watching a movie together. Then she goes home in a cab. I wake up and miss her all day. By dinner time, I want to call her. She doesn't answer. I don't want to be alone on the weekends. -- Her Booty Boy, Osborne Village

Dear Booty Boy: By the time you and Booty Babe finally part, you are overtired and vulnerable, which makes everything worse. This would only work as a booty call if both parties found the other one boring or ridiculous outside of sex and didn't want the extras with each other. How about consciously putting effort into going out and finding a new girlfriend on the weekends so you aren't even available when she calls? It's the boyfriend thing that does you in, so if you weaken and let her visit, at least stop giving her that and getting the emotional hangover. Call the cab for her and say you are tired. You are a pit stop, and she's getting way more out of this than you are. You need a real girlfriend who stays the night and makes love with you in the morning.

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1350 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 19, 2013 D4