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Openness keeps the kinky from feeling hinky

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I got into a silly, teasing fight. We started play-fighting and he chased me around the apartment -- and then he turned me over his knee and spanked me. I got really turned on and we had crazy sex. Does this mean we're kinky forever? Will he expect this every time? What else is he going to want? I'm afraid we have opened a can of worms. Please help! I'm so embarrassed. -- Silly Girl

Dear Silly: People sometimes do impulsive things when they're all keyed up sexually, and this may be one of those things. Remember, you're in control of what you do with your body, now and forever. Your boyfriend may also be wondering what's going to happen next. This could be a one-time thing or something you do every once in a while. That means you have to develop signals, like key words, for when you want to play this way again.

Adventurous sex of any kind requires the maturity to discuss what you'd like and what you wouldn't like ahead of time. You don't sound very old to me, but you still need to talk openly so you can both stop wondering, and feel safe and secure with your guy.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am always envying the married people at my work. Married management people have big houses, cottages, love and sex partners, kids, boats and travel plans together. Those at lower pay levels, like me, have little houses, kids, fun times together, little holidays and partners who love them.

I am 36 and single with great friends, but that's it -- just me -- and I feel sorry for myself as the biological clock bangs in my ears. I have $20,000 in the bank for a mortgage on a house but no husband to buy a house with. -- The Have-Not Woman, St. Vital

Dear Have-Not: Don't waste time envying people just because they're married. All unions are not created equal. Consider these marriage/living-together situations: happy with a great mate, present and participating; lonely, with a mate who's never home; trapped, now just friends -- the sex has gone; terrorized, with an abusive spouse; bored to tears, with someone you married too hastily.

Thankfully, you're not a caged bird! As a single person, you can go out with close pals and flirt, have fun and possibly meet someone new and wonderful. You can feel attractive, appreciated and really listened to for a night. Do you know how much some unhappily married people would give to be able to do that?

Friends can fix you up, and sometimes it works. You can also enjoy adventures in online dating, guilt-free. If you want kids, consider adopting as a single parent and buying a little house with a yard. You don't need to keep your life on hold waiting for Mr. Right -- unless you stay stuck in that old-fashioned mindset.


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 5, 2014 D4

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