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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Pot, meet kettle; take this to a counsellor's office
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A year ago, I married a man who smoked pot every night when he was a bachelor. We're in our 50s. Since our marriage, he has not touched the stuff, nor mentioned it. But, a few nights ago, he told me he's going to start again. I told him, "Not in my house," and added I don't want our hard-earned money going to drug traffickers. He said I have a total misconception about marijuana, that he enjoys smoking it, it relaxes him, and he's going to do it. I think this shows complete disrespect for me, as he knows how opposed I am to it. In every other aspect, he's a wonderful, kind, caring, considerate husband and we get along beautifully. He tells me he wants to be the best husband he can possibly be to me. So why would he go back to marijuana? Should I tell him to choose between his marijuana and his marriage? I don't want to leave him; I just don't want him to smoke pot. Thank you for your help. -- Smoking Mad, Winnipeg
Dear Smoking: Did he smoke pot right up to the day you were married, as you intimate? Then what? Did you forbid it once you got the ring on your finger? If he had agreed to quit smoking pot so you would marry him, then he's broken the promise. But if you sprung this on him the day after you married, then you tricked him. What if he had announced you'd have to give up golfing/quilting/seeing pals as his wife? Look, you have every right NOT to want him to smoke pot, but you really don't want to break up with this otherwise-perfect mate. You two need to take this to a counsellor's office ASAP and work out all the ramifications. Second marriages with people who know they can go it alone successfully, are quite fragile, especially in the beginning. The taboo against breaking up a marriage is long gone as is patience with being told what to do. P.S. What makes the home you both live in all yours, as in "not in my house?"
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm single and 41. I'm spending the summer at home (I'm a teacher) and have developed a lustful crush on my mailman. I wait for him in my yard or sitting on the step. I offered him cold drinks in the heat wave, which he didn't accept. He is most formal, which intrigues me even more, I have fantasies of taking him inside, parking his mailbag and taking him to my version of paradise. Lately, he seems a little edgy when he sees me. Do you think it's sexual tension and maybe he wants what I want? -- Should I Accelerate, Winnipeg
Dear Accelerate: Leave the poor man alone! It sounds like he's nervous around you alright, but it's not sexual tension. He may feel the same way he does when he sees a dog ready to pounce on him. Since he's not flirting back, face facts. A tryst with you isn't something he wants, and even if he did, he could lose his job. He just wants to get the heck out of your yard as fast as he can. You're a woman who needs something "romantic" to do. How about spending the last few weeks of summer looking for love online, with a matchmaker or at a singles activities club, and stop draping yourself over the step?
Please email problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 20, 2012 D6
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