Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Proud husbands will make peace on their own

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has a fringe of long hair like a clown. He wears a hat thinking people won't notice and they will still think he has flowing locks like he did when he was a rocker and played in a band a decade ago. I don't say anything about it because I love him and he is beautiful to me, any which way.

Yesterday, a neighbour came over to help my husband change a tire in the driveway and I heard him say, "Hey Krusty, need any help?' My husband is familiar with The Simpsons and Krusty the Clown. He said something very rude back and the guy sauntered off home shaking his head like my husband was an idiot. The guy next door has lots of thick hair, and is a little thick in the head.

The problem is I'm friends with his wife and we do lots together as couples. Now things will be awkward and it won't happen. I'm so sad! How can I fix this up? I can tell you there will be no apology offered, or wanted. They are both too proud. -- Missing My Girlfriend Already, Fort Garry

Dear Missing: Don't stop seeing your next-door buddy and pray for the snow to melt. Keep on visiting her as if nothing happened. Go to movies together and go out to eat. Let the guys miss having fun as neighbours. What's likely to happen is they will just start talking to each other again when the nice weather has arrived and they're outside. That's how most guys handle things where an apology would make things even more awkward.

Don't push. Just keep seeing your friend and let the guys stop being so proud and come around on their own. It could take a few weeks. If nothing happens by then, have a barbecue with special food and announce the menu. Invite the neighbours plus another couple or two as a buffer and to keep the conversation light. Do it without consulting your husband. This was a hiccup in the relationship between these guys, not a deal-breaker.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In repsonse to "Country Mom With City Dad" -- the girlfriend whose new partner's ex won't let her meet his kids -- my husband and I agree that if we were to ever split up, we would not introduce a new "friend" until the new relationship lasts at least a year. That is not unreasonable. I see the effects first-hand everyday working with kids -- moms and dads putting their needs ahead of their children. The children often either dislike the new person or become attached and sad when they split. Some people have a revolving door of three-month relationships.

I don't think the ex is being unreasonable at all, but I agree the dad needs to make time with his kids. He probably only sees them half the time and still has lots of time apart to work on his new relationship. -- Reasonable, Manitoba

Dear Reasonable: This is easy for you and your husband to say when you are clearly a couple who are doing fine. It is extremely painful not to be able to see your children. Withholding the children entirely, as this ex-wife is doing, is illegal and downright nasty. It's a bit like kidnapping.

It's a far cry from requiring that your ex not have the kids for overnights with a new girlfriend for a reasonable time. This father isn't running around with a bunch of women -- he's not a playboy. He is with one woman and that's really what's bugging his ex -- that he could be in love with someone else. Why shouldn't he be able to see his children and the lady be able to meet them? It's all about jealousy. This ex-wife has taken the law into her own hands to try to get rid of this interloper. If the father of her kids is smart, he will see his lawyer and demand his ex upholds the law and he gets his visitation.

 

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 25, 2014 C4

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