Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Retiree's live-in lover cramping bachelor style

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate waking up beside my girlfriend in the bed. When we are amorous at night I love to be in bed with her, but then I want her to go home. Unfortunately, my place is home to both of us now -- big mistake. We just moved in together two months ago and she's everywhere I look. I stumble over her in the hallways. She's in the bathroom when I need to use it. She's on the couch with my remote. She's walking her yappy dog and wants me to go with her. God knows I need that time away from her! I feel like a grew a barnacle on my butt and I'm stuck with her 24/7. By the way, we are both retired and I am wondering if I should go back to work to get away from her. Please understand I do love the woman, although she's a freakin' pest. -- Suffocating, Windsor Park

 

Dear Suffocating: It seems you lived on your own for quite a long time. You seem to have forgotten what it means to have someone share a home with you. Most couples need to be busy enough, in and out of the house, to give each other privacy. This requires talking the situation out frankly. Maybe part-time work or volunteer work would be good for you both -- but not at the same time.

You need planned pockets of times of at least several hours when you're naturally away from the house doing other things.

As for hating having your lady with you in the bed in the mornings, that's probably a function of feeling crowded outside of the bedroom, if it didn't bother you before you lived together. You're already feeling too close too often. After your most intimate and closest moments at night, you crave time away.

Work out the space you need between intimate times and you may even be fine with cuddling after sex and sleeping together all night.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your suggestions to the single lady about minimizing food odours to get rid of bears was excellent. Removing bird feeders would be a good idea, too. She might inquire about bear spray, as well. There are laws concerning where bear spray can be carried. She should check with the authorities in her cabin's area. -- Beary Wary, Winnipeg

 

Dear Beary: Thanks for the bear tips. One reader wrote about sitting on the roof of the cabin with his gun, the only safe place to be in his situation with a hungry, angry bear.

Seeing the occasional bear shouldn't be a reason to stop going to the cabin, but it's a warning that the human being should find out everything possible about bear safety and call in officials if a bear has gotten food around your cottage somehow and is coming back for more.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a very warm experience on a train with a 35-year-old man and I wish I could get hold of him now. We travelled on the train together on a part of my cross-Canada adventure holiday.

Now I'm back in Winnipeg and he's back in the Maritimes. The contact details he gave me don't seem to work and I hate to think badly of him, as he was such a nice guy and we had such a romantic time. Could it be that his phone, his cell and his email are all wrong? I saw his name on Linkedin. Should I try to get to him that way, or just leave it? Do you think he lied to me? -- Innocent, Winnipeg area.

 

Dear Innocent: Sorry, but he must have lied to you. A man doesn't make honest mistakes on both of his phone numbers, plus his email, unless he has dementia. At 35, that's highly unlikely. You can be sure this guy was pretending to be available on the train in order to have a romantic adventure with you. Your best bet is to write it off as a moment, or series of moments that are not connected to anything further.

Travel affords a certain type of person the chance to pretend to be somebody else. Some tell huge stories and pretend to be someone totally different -- a new persona, or one used before on travels.

If you catch up to him through another method, and get through to him by phone somehow, don't fall for another story. Just use enough time to tell him what you think of him, get it off your mind, and move on.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 8, 2014 D4

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