DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new macho boyfriend has some revolting practices, such as spitting, which I find disgusting. I have told him so, and he just laughs and thinks it's even funnier because I'm getting upset. I like it that he's not a weakling like my last two boyfriends, but he could be a lot more discreet about his bodily functions, especially passing gas. At a holiday dinner with my family he embarrassed me totally, and they were looking at him and then at me. Is this petty stuff to get upset about? -- Too Fussy? West Kildonan
Dear Fussy: If you want a guy who's big and strong, fine, but find one who has nice manners and is way past getting kicks out of being the skunk at a garden party. There's a strong element of childish rebellion in this boorish behaviour that is not charming at any age. This behaviour is a way of upsetting your family and showing he doesn't respect anybody enough to control himself or walk out of the room discreetly.
The public spitting is even less necessary unless he has a sinus infection. Most people would get something like that checked out. Seemingly pointless rebellions that have to do with bodily functions are rude and tiresome and don't reflect well on you as the partner who shares the guy's personal space. Why would you want to keep a boyfriend who acts like he's in Grade 6?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm embarrassed by my third nipple to the point where I won't take off my shirt when I make love with a new partner. This would not be a problem if I were married, but I'm not and I want to stay free until I am finished getting my education, so that's another six years of being embarrassed. As a kid I didn't know what it was and my mom didn't say much about it. The last five years I have known exactly what it is and I want it gone. What can I do? -- One Nipple Too Many, West Kildonan
Dear Too Many: Third and even fourth nipples are not as uncommon as you may think. See your physician about a referral for removal, which will leave a small scar, but will seem like nothing after trying to explain the extra nipple. Sometimes there is a little breast tissue underneath which could need removal as well. Best of luck!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got this guy's number at a party last weekend and he deliberately wrote down the wrong number. I'm a nice-looking girl with a fun personality and he spent the first half of the night chatting me up. Then he asked me for my number and I said, "For security reasons, I don't give my number out to strangers, but you could give me yours and I'll call you." He scribbled out his number and turned away to talk to other people for the rest of the night after that.
I called him today, and got the bogus number. Most people know their own phone numbers so I'm guessing he did that on purpose. He hesitated when writing the last digit. Why did he do that to me? -- So Insulted! Downtown
Dear Insulted: This guy was angry you said outright that you didn't trust him. Then you did him the favour of offering to take his number and call him so he gave you the fake number. (Women do this all the time at nightclubs). Turn it around: What if you asked the guy for his number and he said, "I don't give my number to women because they might be weirdos, but you can give me your number to call." Would you still want to call him? Yes, everybody understands there are security issues in our modern world, but you'd have been far wiser to say this: "The best way to catch me is on my email which I check all the time, so here is that address." That's classy, positive and shows interest without giving away too much privacy.
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