Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I drove to the lake last weekend and she slowly started to undress in the warm car. By the time we arrived at the lake, she was completely naked beside me. I was a crazed man when she actually ran into the cabin without any clothes. Nobody saw her but me, luckily. We made love all weekend like monkeys in the forest. It was such a turn-on.
Then she said she had other things in store for me, but she said it in a kind of scary tone. I'm a pretty innocent guy from a Mennonite world and I am thrilled at the same time as I am worried. Is she a fun-loving person or a little bit off her head? Should I be backing off or trying to emulate the freedom she exhibits and letting loose for once in my life? -- New To Craziness, North Kildonan
Dear Craziness: You have to care about your heart and your safety as an underpinning to the fun and wild things you are enjoying. Is she trying to get noticed by the police and semis on the highway? Is the nakedness designed to make you take chances while you are driving? Listen to your gut when you hear a menacing tone. That was a warning bell from the smartest part of you: your danger instinct.
How about you take some control of these experiments now? People who get involved in daring forms of sex agree ahead of time on the parameters. Insist on safe driving for both of you from now on, as well as avoidance of legal trouble and privacy from the neighbours. She sounds like an exhibitionist who may be toying with your innocence. Also, she may not even have thought of the safety aspects, as it's danger and the unknown she craves.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Hi. I'm a longtime reader, first-time complainer, in regards to Totally Sorry and Upset in Brandon. I don't like the advice you give when it comes to situations of older women dating/seeing younger guys. Many times I've noticed you're against it and you either tell the young men or the older women to go for someone their own age, and what they're doing is wrong. Why is that? Older ladies can't be with younger men, because...?
I'm a younger guy and have dated an older woman. We are not together any more, though -- she discovered a new chapter in her life and that was that. I had deep feelings for her and loved her. I prefer older women and age shouldn't matter. People tend to glare/talk when they see a young man with an older woman, but it's OK when young girls see older guys. There are so many double standards in this world. Thanks for your time. -- Young Man, Charleswood
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Ten to 15 years difference between lovers isn't a problem in the beginning, but it's hard to be with a person in a marriage who is retired 15 years before you are, or doesn't want to have a child with you because she's already had her kids and doesn't want to start over. It is also a time bomb when one person's health decreases and/or their desire for sex, and the younger one is full of energy, in perfect health and wanting a lively sex life.
You're a young man and can please a woman of any age. It's hard for you to look decades ahead, but let's be positive: sometimes an affair with a person older or younger is wonderful and instructive and great fun. (You may be surprised to learn I have experienced both -- one of my great loves was nine years younger and another was 28 years older.) Some May-December marriages work out, too, although one person is left alone early because the other one has died at a normal age. When all is said and done, it really helps if your stages are compatible, more than your ages.
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