DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife hit me over the head with a pillow when I was sleeping because I was talking in my sleep and said some other woman's name. I was dreaming, obviously, and the name Deirdre came out of my mouth. I have never even met a Deirdre. How's that for innocent? So, I decided to play a trick on my wife and teach her a lesson. Yesterday morning, I woke her up at 6:30 a.m. and yelled, "Who the hell is Jimmy?" You were calling out his name! At first she bit, and then she woke up totally, and said, "That's not funny. Only a guilty man would do that!" Now I'm sleeping in the guest room and I'm the one who was attacked in the first place. How do we get past this stupidity? -- Want Us Back, St. Boniface
Dear Want Us Back: You two need to agree to have a sleep privacy rule. As long as there's no real need to suspect the other is cheating, erotic dreams that feature Deirdre or Lulabelle or Jimmy or whomever are allowed. You don't have to explain them to each other. By the way, you should be aware some people who watch porn pick up names that become eroticized for them. (Not that you'd ever be doing that.)
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 21 and met this older woman, 29, on the quiet part of Grand Beach where you can suntan topless and nobody would see you. I commented as I was passing on a walk that I, too, liked to sunbathe topless. And she laughed, because I'm a guy. We started meeting every day and developed a really sweet friendship. Nothing else happened until last week. She was crying when I found her because she found out her boyfriend in the city was seeing someone else while she was away. She cried and I put my arms around her, and we were both kind of bare. One thing led to another and we had this amazing sexual experience, but she hasn't been back to the beach since. I don't know where she went. I know she works some nights in the city and she stays at the family cabin out here. I'm feeling very sad. I thought she was my good friend, at the least. If I thought sex would make her disappear like that, I would have refused her... maybe. OK, I wouldn't have. So what now? How do I find her? Would she want me to look? -- Hurting, Grand Beach
Dear Hurting: No, this woman wouldn't want you to search her out. If she wanted to see you, she'd have come to your little beach area, knowing you'd be waiting for her. She may have moved into the city full-time now to try to win this guy back. Or she may have decided seeing you is too complicated now that you've had sex. She should have had a last talk with you, but it's hard to be considerate in breakup mode. It's time for you to let go. You sound like a good guy and you deserve a real relationship this fall with a woman who's young and free.
Please send questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6