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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Sordid penguin love affair
Someone always gets hurt when feathers are ruffled
When Harry met Linda, Pepper was left out in the cold. His sad story has touched hearts around the world. (AMY FRANKEL / SAN FRANCISCO ZOO)
I normally try to ensure my columns are 100 per cent fact free, but today I've decided to share a story that is completely true.
I stumbled on it while doing some important "research" on the Internet, but -- get ready to be very impressed -- I made some actual long-distance phone calls to "check the facts."
This story has everything you could want -- love, lust, betrayal, violence, broken hearts and death. It also has a happy ending, but I'll let you be the judge of that.
It's the story of two lonely guys, Harry and Pepper (yes, those are their real names), who met in 2003 and moved in together. Their same-sex relationship raised a few eyebrows but, hey, they live in San Francisco, so it didn't seem like such a big deal.
They lived together for six years and even adopted a son. They seemed pretty darn happy and there were plans for a lavish wedding ceremony.
And that's when Linda came into their lives. She was the widow next door. Her husband, Fig (yes, that's his real name), died during the winter. And she set her sights on Harry.
Before Pepper knew what hit him, his life partner had ditched him for the merry widow. When Harry met Linda, poor Pepper was left alone in the cold.
As I mentioned in the first paragraph, this sordid tale is completely true and it's been getting worldwide attention in every manner of media.
I'm guessing this is probably because Harry, Pepper and Linda are three of the cutest little penguins you have ever seen in your lives.
As a crusading journalist, I called the San Francisco Zoo Wednesday to get the bird's-eye lowdown on the story behind this penguin love triangle.
Zoo spokeswoman Lora LaMarca said the story of the flightless birds took off this month when the San Francisco Examiner broke the news about the end of Harry and Pepper's relationship.
"Ohmygawd! It's been everywhere," Lora exclaimed Wednesday. "I've had calls from the BBC, from Holland and China and Canada. The Tonight Show called yesterday to see if we could bring all three penguins on air, which we can't."
A touch of sadness in her voice, she said the timing of the split couldn't have been worse.
"I was going to have a little wedding ceremony and reception for Harry and Pepper at the zoo, and then Linda -- the little hussy -- threw a wrench in the works," Lora explained.
Deciding to probe even deeper, I spoke with Harrison Edell, the curator of birds at San Francisco's zoo. He said Harry and Pepper had a stable relationship on Penguin Island.
"The other bachelors on the island all have their own burrows, but they didn't shack up the way Harry and Pepper did," Harrison said. "They would preen each other's feathers."
When the zoo needed some penguins to foster an abandoned egg, he said, they turned to Harry and Pepper. "They raised a chick together. His name is Chuck Norris."
But Harry was unable to resist Linda's charm -- and wealth -- after her partner, Fig, died in January. Fig was a big penguin deal, commanding two burrows instead of one.
"Real estate is a big deal in the penguin world," Harrison explained. "If you want to attract a mate, it's a prerequisite. It works for humans, too."
Within a week, Harry ditched Pepper and moved in with Linda. Not surprisingly, Pepper was despondent. He tried to confront the new couple. Heated penguin words were exchanged.
"Harry and Linda defended their burrow against Pepper as if Harry had never known him," the biologist told me. During breeding season, Pepper and a few other bachelors were briefly removed from the colony for their own safety.
Meanwhile, "Harry and Linda have produced two fertile eggs and they hatched in May," Harrison said. "The young penguins are growing up at an aquarium in Chicago."
The curator said a LOT of bloggers seem really, really mad at Linda, branding her everything from "home-wrecker" to "gold-digger."
"She's just a really beautiful penguin," he said. "She can't help that, I guess."
But what of Pepper? Well, our story ends on a note of hope. It seems all the parties involved are learning how to deal with the complicated situation on Penguin Island.
As the curator put it: "Pepper seems to be doing fine now. We're out of breeding season and hormones have died down a little bit. Harry and Linda are still a pair, but Harry and Pepper do spend time together, which is weird. We haven't figured that out yet."
The moral? Well, it's this: Maybe, with the passage of time, everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation or species, can let bygones be bygones and learn to live together in peace. Is that asking too much? Ha ha ha. You bet it is.
So here's the real moral: No matter how lousy your love life is, you will always look great in a tuxedo!
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 23, 2009 A2
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