Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/9/2013 (1014 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I bit my boyfriend's cheek and left teeth marks. He's embarrassed and has taken time off work for it to heal and he's not talking to me. He says it looks like a vampire bit him. I'm not a vampire, but he made me so angry, I lost control and bit him good. It's not like he hasn't hit me before. I'm not scared of him because he only hits me after I have hit him, so I control. But this time he's different. He says he's "too much of a man" to bite anyone. He has stopped taking my calls. He says we're finished. He's said that before over silly fights, but this time he said "Never call me again." Should I keep calling and texting and hope he changes his mind? -- L'il Vampire, Elmwood
Dear Vamp: Let him go. He has a right to say no and to say and goodbye. You two are bad for each other. You think it's OK, almost cute, that you hit and bite. You're also OK with a guy hitting you back. Without therapy to change this dangerous set of attitudes, you could end up in major trouble.
Look into my crystal ball: Your biting and hitting story gets around because you brag about it. Then you meet up with a real charmer, who has a strong left hook and a predisposition towards beating up women. He hears the stories -- maybe even from your own lips. At first you two get along like a house on fire because both of you can be charming and fun. But then he makes you really mad one day and you pop him one in the kisser. That's always been your role. But this guy's a finisher. He turns around and pulverizes you, and maybe breaks your arm and your jaw. Can you see where this is going? You've become a real attraction for a guy who wants violence in his game with women. It's time for you to get help. Either you're going to get charged with assault by a decent guy who won't tolerate your violence, or you're going to get beaten badly or even killed one day.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm crazy about large women and my friends all call me a "chubby chaser." I don't care -- it's what turns me on. So, I start dating this gorgeous, luxury-size lady and now, six months in, when I am really smitten, she starts sneaking off somewhere every week. I suspected she was having an affair, so one night I borrowed my buddy's car and followed her. She led me straight to a place holding a Weight Watchers meeting. Bad news! I don't want a Skinny Minnie. I told her that clearly in the beginning, but now I'm losing the woman I love bit by bit, and pretty soon she's not going to want fat old me, either. Please help. -- Losing Her, Winnipeg
Dear Losing: If you are in love with her outsides only, there's not much love going on. If you really need her personality to be housed in a fat body, so she fits a certain physical image of your ideal woman, then you're as messed up as a guy who needs a bone rack. This would be the perfect time for the two of you to see a counsellor and sort out what's going on. Maybe you're not in love with her for herself. It's time to move on if one of your top values for a girlfriend is a chubby female body and she wants to be slimmer, for whatever reason. People do change. Maybe you are no longer a match.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6