DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been with a wonderful man for six years who is 21 years older than I am, never had kids. I insisted he would not be depriving me of children because frankly, I don't want the little brats. Now I am completely shocked because he says HIS biological clock has started ticking and he's "just discovered" he wants a baby more than anything else. I said, "I don't want to be the provider. I never wanted to get pregnant and I don't want a baby with you or anyone else. I can't stand kids!" He looked aghast and said, "I thought that was just immaturity talking when I first met you and when you got near your 30s you would naturally want a baby, and I would love that. Now we are in awful trouble because I love him more than life itself, but I really don't want children -- not even his and mine. What can I do? I actually think this may be a deal-breaker for him as he had tears in his eyes when I said, "No, never!" -- Hard-Hearted Non-Mother, Fort Richmond
Dear Hard-Hearted: A relationship should never cost a life or a dream. If this man really wants a a baby, what will happen if you deny him that? That becomes the price of keeping your love -- a price that he has to pay to stay with you -- the loss of that child. If this life dream is deep-rooted and he really wants his own baby, then volunteering for something like Big Brothers isn't going to be the answer. However, you might suggest it as an alternative. Whatever you do, you need to get into relationship counselling right away, as this deal-breaker discussion needs a third party.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am in love with a person who gossips about our sexual relationship to all her girlfriends. I overheard her when I was supposed to be working on the computer in her den, and she was on the phone in the kitchen. I heard the blow-by-blow of our liaison the night before and I barely recognized it. I felt my face getting red as she went on about how wild I am in the sack and how many times she had multiples. Pure Fantasyland! After she got off the phone I said to her, half-amused. "I heard all that. Who were you describing to your friend, because it wasn't you and me!" She said. "Oh I was just paying her back for all the bragging she does. OK, I get that she may want to out-do her friends, and make me look like an Adonis, but I really don't want her discussing our sex lives blow-by-blow. She told me right at the beginning she didn't want me to discuss our sex life with my buddies. So, why is it OK for her? She isn't even sorry or embarrassed that I caught her. -- Double Standard for Women? Downtown
Dear Double: Your woman needs to be warned that girlfriends who hear this kind of stuff are not always loyal. They may come after you behind her back to try to get a sample of the action she brags that you provide. That might settle her down. other than that, you can offer her a deal -- you get to brag to your buddies, if she continues to brag to hers. You probably have pretty good leverage with this argument as she already said she hates the idea of that. Tit for tat.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I left a pair of $400 shoes at my friend's house party two months ago and she keeps denying they are there. I heard she wore them to a formal charity event last week, which I was not at. I paid her a little visit this week, excused myself to go her bathroom, and dug them right out of her closet! On the way out her front door, I waved my shoes in her face and told her she was lucky I didn't call the cops on her for a $400 theft. She had the nerve to call me a bunch of names and has twisted the story to say I stole some of HER shoes to friends and it got back to my crowd. I know they were mine because they had a certain piece of beading missing. What can I do? -- Wrongly Called A Thief, Tuxedo
Dear Called A Thief: Fight the lies with the truth, using the same grapevine to get the info out. Tell the truth about reclaiming your $400 shoes so it gets back to the same people who heard her story about your stealing them in the first place. You will no doubt be able to find those key people by tracing back from the friends who told you.
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