Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband was mad at me for something mean I said and called my flat breasts "fried eggs." I should have laughed, but having small breasts is a vulnerable spot for me. I was so hurt I couldn't think of anything to toss back at him.
When I got to work I thought of something and phoned him at work. I called him "tiny" plus something that rhymes with totem. He just laughed -- obviously it didn't hurt him a bit. I feel devastated and he's roaring with laughter at his office. How can I get back at him where it really hurts? -- Flat-Chested Woman, Downtown
Dear Woman: Instead of looking for ways to hurt your husband, think of ways to surround yourself with the same kind of protection he does -- pride in himself, just the way he is. "Are you trying to insult my beautiful champagne glasses?" would have been a much better response to his unintelligent fried eggs comment. Here's the trick: you have to envision your breasts in that beautiful way and adopt the pride that goes with an elegant shape that will stay put as you age without the lowering effects of gravity.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am deeply in love with an inappropriate person. I love my best female friend, and would even say I'm "in love" with her, but I have no sexual feelings towards her. None. She's lesbian and we tried kissing and more, but it did nothing for me. When I'm in the mood for physical love, I crave a man. What is wrong with me? -- Lost in the Middle, Downtown
Dear Lost: We are who we are, all different designs. Our outsides look different and our psyches work differently. For you, it takes a man to get your motor running. For your lady friend, it takes a woman. You can do all the wishing and hoping you want, but if you're wired to desire a man, you'd have to fake it to be with this woman. That's not fair to her.
You may have to take some distance from her if the sexual rejection hurts her. Is she "in love" with you, too, or was she just experimenting with you? If she is emotionally and physically in love, then you are taking time and energy that needs to be directed to another woman who fully wants her. Also, you now know you need time to find a guy who's a lot like her, personality-wise.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've got sensitive teeth and was also quite fearful of visiting the dentist. It always came with a big dose of anxiety. These days, many dentists practise something called sleep dentistry. The patient is given a sedative and within about 10 minutes you are pretty much half asleep. This has worked out great for me, as not only do I not feel anything, I can barely remember sitting in the dentist's chair. You will feel groggy for a couple hours after the dentist is finished with his or her work, but it's completely pain-free with zero stress and anxiety. Costs are a bit higher when choosing sleep dentistry, but I highly recommend it. -- ZZZ, Winnipeg
Dear ZZZ: Not everyone likes the feeling of being sedated and out of control, but for those who are fine with that and fine with missing out on a dental experience that scared them, it's a good alternative.
One can't underestimate the importance of having a friend to take you home safely after the procedure, and even stay with you until you're fully alert.
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