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Tell him to forget fetish, and next summer's wedding

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found this out and I am so embarrassed to even say it. My fiancé just admitted he likes to wear diapers and play nursemaid. I am sickened by the thought. In other ways, he is so grown-up and manly! I am going crazy now. What do I do? Our wedding is slated for next summer and we were just at the wedding show together. Help! -- Not A Nursemaid, Winnipeg

Dear Not A Nursemaid: He told you so you could reject him now -- six months before the wedding -- if you couldn't stand the idea of participating in his fetish. He can't enjoy this fetish alone as it requires a partner. He will understand if it's a dealbreaker for you. Appreciate that he didn't wait until eight weeks before the wedding when the invitations were out. If you have to break it off, he should pay for lost deposits, not your folks, because he could have revealed the deal-breaking news way before the engagement. You, in turn, should keep the real reason for the breakup confidential. Agree between the two of you on a story you will tell about why you broke up, and keep it simple. You don't want him suicidal because you told the world the real story.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my husband -- we're separated but seeing each other for sex -- to a shooting range. It was his first time, but he turned out to be a great shot. Then it occurred to me, since I was the one who cheated and he's still quietly angry, I wouldn't stand a chance if we went hunting together and he wanted to get rid of me, for instance, and say it was an accident. Am I being paranoid? -- Second Thoughts on This Sport, Winnipeg

Dear Second Thoughts: Since it's a dicey relationship, you may not be as paranoid as others might think. How about you find some other sport to practice, like a racquet sport where you can whack very hard? But, also take your marital problems to a counsellor so you don't have thoughts like this any more. Fooling around with your cuckolded sort-of-ex husband before you work out the anger, distrust and resentment is likely to cause a series of volcanoes in the near future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love with my boyfriend's father last summer at the lake. In the fall, I broke up with the son and called the father. He told me to "go far, far away" as I suspected he would. But last week, to my shock and amazement, I got a call and I joined the man for a drink. He said he too had felt the powerful attraction in the summer, but ran from it. Finally, he couldn't hold back. Well, one thing led to another that night and now we are in the position of wanting to be together as a couple. How do we tell my ex, without ruining their father-son relationship? I thought maybe I could call my ex and ask him if it would be OK if I started seeing his father, now we have been apart half a year? He does have a new girlfriend he loves more than he ever did me. We broke up over feelings of indifference on both sides. Little did he know I was in love with his father, but from a respectable distance. -- Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock: In the old days the father would have had to ask his son for permission to start seeing you, but that was last century. Forget that happening. On the hopeful side, indifference is the opposite of love, so there's a ghost of a chance that, after the son blows sky high, he will find a way to deal with this awkward new relationship. It's bound to be bad for awhile, so if and when you do get together as a family, don't be all over the father in front of people. Your ex will naturally wonder if you were flirting with his dad while you were seeing him, maybe even consorting with his father at the same time. You both need to answer these questions, and talk with him privately. He doesn't need to be facing down you and his dad as a couple.

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyeharts, 1350 Mountain Ave. ,Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 3, 2013 A15

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