Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Tell inattentive boyfriend to take a bus ride, or three

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: On Saturday night my boyfriend of two years and I were at a house party at his friend's house. Fairly early, I felt a headache getting worse and figured I should just go home to sleep. I asked my boyfriend to walk me to the bus stop, two minutes from the party. It was close to midnight -- three buses to get home. He complained about missing a few minutes of the party and going outside in the cold, and told me I shouldn't have been at his friend's party anyway! I got on the bus right then and went home angry and upset. He called me the next day saying he didn't remember everything that happened, because he was drunk. We've been on the outs ever since. He said getting together for Valentines was pointless as we'd argue the whole time. I love him and most of the time he is a good boyfriend. Do you think I'm being petty? What do you think I should do? -- Young Love Problem, Winnipeg

Dear Young Love Problem: If you had a daughter, would you want her to be with a guy who made her take the three buses alone late at night because he wanted to stay and get drunk at a party? Would you want your sister to stay with a guy who punishes her with silence and inattention and uses being drunk as an excuse to forget his mean actions? Why would you want less for yourself than for the females you want the best for? You say you "love" this guy? Love is 50 per cent personality and attractiveness, and 50 per cent how they treat you -- and your partner needs a 90 per cent grade to be in a relationship with you. It's time to find someone who treats you with love and care and is protective of your safety.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A girl I used to be in love with for three years moved to B.C. and has already had sex with a guy there. She didn't have sex with me because she told me she wasn't ready, but she would wait for me until she was. We broke up a few times but always apologized and got back. I slept with other girls since she had sex, and have posted pictures on Facebook with me and them. She deleted me. But recently I posted a song I wrote on Facebook and she somehow heard it and thought it was amazing, Since then she changed all my thoughts again, I learned a lot from her. It's like I was blind but now I can see. I'm in jail now because I couldn't control my substance abuse. Should I forget about her? Does she feel the same or is it just a game? -- Need Advice Please, Milner Ridge

Dear Need Advice: She may love your song, but might not want you back. It's really hard to get anywhere in a relationship when you're in jail and several provinces apart. It all depends on how you have changed with the substance abuse problem -- and what you do and who your friends are -- when you get out. If you don't change the things that got in the way of the previous romance, you will have a few days of honeymoon-style happiness with her and then slide back into conflict. All you can do is ask her straight up what she is feeling for you and what she wants, when you get out of jail. I know it's hard to risk asking when you finally have contact with her again and it's lonely in jail, but if you build up a false relationship with her, and then get out of jail and find out she doesn't really want to be with you, you might be so upset you end up abusing substances again. It's probably better to know the truth now.

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 20, 2013 D4

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