Tell your therapist you are suicidal

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a 45-year-old male virgin living at home, with my mother. I've never dated. I'm seeing a therapist whose advice to "volunteer somewhere without thoughts of having sex" may be good, but it angers me. I can't believe any woman could find me attractive; I don't believe there is anything particularly good about me. I've considered hiring an escort, but that's pathetic. I don't socialize at all. I've tried, but it always (to me, at least) falls flat. Besides, I can't get over never having had sex, of being nothing more than a joke in movies and sitcoms. I dream and hope to kill myself just to end it all. Should I? After all, where's the point in keeping on in the hopes that someday I will "magically" have sex? As one previous therapist told me, "Well, it may never happen." Well, it hasn't, and I don't believe it ever will. Besides, even if some woman were to ever have feelings for me, when I think of how inept, how fumble-fingered and hopeless I would be, why would I ever want to inflict that on somebody who probably could and should do better than me? -- Feeling Hopeless Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Hopeless: Suicide is NOT the answer, that's for sure. There are better ways to deal with your problem. But first, you need to tell your therapist and your physician you're suicidal, and get on some anti-depressants ASAP. If your therapist is a psychiatrist, he or she can prescribe. If not, your physician can, but you must be clear about how depressed you are. Now for a plan: The problem you have socially is that you've narrowed your focus of interest in life to an obsession over the one thing you don't have. (Believe me, if you knew how many sexless marriages there were out there, you wouldn't be feeling so bad.) The situation that builds you to the point of having a woman interested in you is developing a group of friends and a lot of enjoyable interests. That makes you a more rounded and attractive person because you will be smiling and interesting and confident, instead of frowning and unfriendly. You should know the free Klinic crisis line 786-8686 is open 24/7 for people who are feeling criticially down and need a friendly voice and some help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend bit my leg and I am looking at the teeth marks right now. She claims she did it to be "playful" when we were doing some "fun wrestling" on the rug at the cabin. But, here's the truth: She had been mad and fought with me earleir in the day. Just before she bit me, I heard her mutter, "This'll teach you!" She's really mad because I bought my ex-girlfriend a birthday present of an old $1,500 jalopy so she could get to work. My girlfriend is unrepentant and I am blown away by the bite. If I had bitten her, it would have been assault. Maybe I deserved this? I don't know. Please help. -- Bitten Boyfriend, age 28, Winnipeg

Dear Bit: Taking a big chomp out of somebody's body is not allowable; it is assault. But, buying ex-girlfriends expensive gifts is not allowable either. It's disloyal to your present woman. You two have a decison to make. My guess is it's time for you to part ways as a couple. Your interest and sympathy towards your ex is truly suspect, and your violent girlfriend would not make a trustable mate or mother to your chidlren. You may, by the sounds of things, want your old girlfriend back.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 20, 2012 D7