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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Think long-term: Her family doesn't like you

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 05/9/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been dating interracially for seven months now and we are both in love with each other. Last Christmas she invited me to her hometown in Calgary where I met her mom and dad, but her parents were not very welcoming to me. They didn't really talk to me the all time I was there. When we were out shopping, her dad didn't talk to me if she was not around. Also, her cousin doesn't really talk to me whenever we gather. I talked to my girlfriend about it, and she said that they are just like that with everybody. She also said it might be a culture issue and I'd have to learn to deal with it. I was almost going to break up with her, because I'd had enough. English is not my first language and I feel like they don't really introduce me to the rest of the family. -- So Confused, Winnipeg

Dear Confused: This girlfriend can try to make this seem normal all she wants, but the bottom line is you aren't welcomed, never mind loved, by her family. In a simple dating situation, it wouldn't matter as much. But, if you are going to spend a lifetime married to this woman, do you really want this cold family situation? Think long-term right now. A marriage is not just the couple who love each other, but also the significant members of the rest of the family. Love that leads to marriage should be easier than what you're experiencing. Unless you can't live without this woman, it might be smart to find someone who has a family that loves you. Whether it's a new person of your own background or a long-term Canadian of another race, look for a family who really likes you, and will end up loving you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a similar story to the abused husband with money and a gold-digger for a wife. The day after we were married, things changed. My family was outlawed, she didn't want to participate in working together, and made comments like "I'll clean you out!" I always thought the best, like, "She'll change and be my lover again." She didn't change and I had to leave to avoid any provoked or contemplated confrontations. My abuse counsellor/minister said: "You were taken." The Courts don't think so; they should wake-up and smell the coffee. -- Been There, Got the Shaft, Wpg.

Dear Been There: It's good for the man who wrote to see some letters from men who have suffered similarly, so he can stop feeling alone in his plight and stop second-guessing himself. Everything was fine until the wedding day, in both your cases, and then the phony romance was finished and the hunt for gold was on. Gold-diggers don't waste time. In both your cases the women were after the money, once the relationship was legal. This happens more often than people realize (to both sexes) and unfortunately more often to older people who may have an inheritance or insurance money from a spouse who's passed on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My man wants me to change my hair colour. I have mousy brown hair, but he never complained before. Now, all of a sudden, he really wants it blond. I admit there are some grey streaks through it and I look older than my years, but I am really insulted at his telling me outright to dye my hair. Why would he be telling me to do this? -- Suspicions Mind, North End

Dear Suspicious: Here are some possibilities: 1) He may think you look unattractive; 2) He may have a crush on someone else with blond hair; 3) He wants you to become a fantasy he has developed in his mind. If he starts requesting you buy certain clothes, particularly certain lingerie, you can be sure this isn't about you. Your best bet is to ask him outright why he wants you to dye your hair blond, and bother him until he says, "Oh all right, I'll tell you!" Then steel yourself for any answer.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 9, 2012 D8

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