Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

This guy's a horny goat wearing sheep's clothing

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm planning on renting a cabin out at Lake of the Woods for a month this summer, to write a book. When I went out to take a look at the first one in a boat, I was struck by the rugged, outdoorsy looks and charming personality of the man who's renting it out. By the time we got to the cabin together, I was so attracted, my head was whirling. On the way back from the island, I inquired as to the marital status of this guy and was told "married, but not THAT married."

What does that mean? I am a longtime single person from a conservative and religious background. I'm also told I'm very attractive. Did this mean what I thought it did? If so, should I do the rental? I will mostly be there alone.

-- Nervous, But Intrigued

 

Dear Intrigued: Hungry bears are enough worry. You don't need a horned goat in a boat coming at you, too! The line he gave you is an old one and a definite come-on. If you were going to be on the island with a bunch of family members or friends, who'd care if the renter is a sleazy mover? He'd have no privacy to operate. But you're going to be there all alone -- and this guy has excuses aplenty to come out and visit, because he owns the place.

Lake of the Woods is vast, and beautiful everywhere you look. You can find a better cabin and situation than this, and it'll be worthwhile to put out an effort to find the right place for a carefree summer. The last thing you need to sign up is a married man on the make, no matter how charming he seems in his plaid shirt and hiking boots.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have one foot bigger than the other by a whole size, so I have to stuff one shoe or buy two pairs of cheap shoes in different sizes to make up one pair that fits both feet. My husband has always found this amusing and calls me Lefty, though never when someone else is around. Recently, he had a big scare and was worried he might have to lose his right testicle. Luckily nothing came of it, but I did manage to get one remark in, calling him Lefty, and you would have thought I detonated a bomb. He has been furious with me for two weeks. Yet I have endured a lifetime of cracks about my big left foot. Why is it OK for him to tease me and I couldn't even say one thing to him?

-- Getting Even, Westwood

Dear Getting Even: It's crass and unkind of either of you to tease the other one about a body-part imbalance they can't control. You should have blown sky-high over the foot mockery and stopped it years ago. Now that your husband has felt what it's like to be mocked on a tender topic, it's time to have it out over that whole issue for both of you. By the way, any body part is a sensitive subject if your mate is laughing at its absence or at a size difference, but teasing over a missing sexual part hurts 10 times more.


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 29, 2014 c2

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