Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Time for Grumpy Cat's fame to fade

  • Print

Every year at this time, strangers approach me in the frozen food aisle at the supermarket and say: "Doug, we have been far too busy to pay attention to the latest trends in fashion, music, politics, sports and life in general, so what can we do to become as 'hip' and 'with it' as you, a middle-aged, overweight newspaper columnist?"

And every year I give them the same exact answer: "Just read my annual guide to what's in and what's out for the new year and, before you know it, you'll be one of the coolest kids on the block."

OK, kids. The clock is ticking and you aren't getting any cooler just sitting there, so let's get started with...

OUT -- Dennis Rodman

IN -- Chris Hadfield

BECAUSE -- We'd rather hang out with someone who has actually been in outer space as opposed to someone who is just spaced out.

 

OUT -- Twerking

IN -- Biology class

BECAUSE -- Call us old-fashioned, but if you are going to be watching teens engage in a sexually provocative dance involving thrusting hips, we think there should be a teacher present.

 

OUT -- Grumpy Cat

IN -- Risqué pictures of Pamela Anderson

BECAUSE -- It's not that we are sick of LOL pictures of cats; it's just that we think it's high time we got back to the reason the Internet was invented in the first place.

 

OUT -- Looking down at your cellphone all the time

IN -- Looking up occasionally

BECAUSE -- God forbid you glanced up from your smartphone and discovered, without having to Google it, the sky is (gasp!) blue and rainbows exist in the real world and not just in video games.

 

OUT -- Royal babies

IN -- Regular babies

BECAUSE -- Even if a newborn has a ponderous moniker like George Alexander Louis, His Highness Prince George of Cambridge, it won't make him deserving of 24-hour news coverage on CNN, and, just like every pudgy baby since the dawn of time, all those (bad word) wrinkles will make him a dead ringer for the Michelin Man.

 

OUT -- The Senate

IN -- Hardened street criminals

BECAUSE -- If someone is going to steal our money and act like they're above the law, we'd rather they didn't lie to our faces and pretend they're doing it to make the country a better place for everyone.

 

OUT -- Candy Crush

IN -- Saving our marriages

BECAUSE -- As long as my wife has this frustratingly addictive game -- the most downloaded free app of 2013 -- on her (bad word) phone, there is absolutely no hope of contacting her via the ears.

 

OUT -- Saying "hashtag" before everything

IN -- Talking like a "normal" human being

BECAUSE -- We thought nothing could be as annoying as people constantly saying "It is what it is" or "I'm just saying" all the time, but apparently we were wrong.

 

OUT -- Rob Ford

IN -- The 2014 Ford Fusion

BECAUSE -- It gets better gas mileage, never runs anyone down in the middle of city council, has never been caught in an outrageous lie, and almost no one would be stupid enough to operate one in "a drunken stupor."

 

OUT -- What Does the Fox Say?

IN -- It's a Small World After All

BECAUSE -- If the goal is to play a mindless tune over and over until half the population of the world has gone clinically insane, it's pretty hard to beat this classic tune from the most annoying Disney World ride of all time. And a "wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!" to you, too, Goofy.

 

OUT -- Selfies

IN -- Talking to strangers

BECAUSE -- The world seemed like a kinder, gentler place when we walked up to random people on the street, handed them our cameras, and shyly asked if they would mind taking a picture of us because we were on holiday. Of course, if they try to give you a piece of candy or ask you to help them look for a lost puppy, RUN!

 

OUT -- Duck Dynasty

IN -- More zombie shows

BECAUSE -- They may not have creepy hillbilly-style beards, but at least we know they treat everyone equally and appreciate an audience with braaaaaaaains!

 

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 13, 2014 B2

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

City Beautiful trailer: How architecture shaped Winnipeg's DNA

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • Horses enjoy a beautiful September morning east of Neepawa, Manitoba  - Standup Photo– Sept 04, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • An American White Pelican takes flight from the banks of the Red River in Lockport, MB. A group of pelicans is referred to as a ‘pod’ and the American White Pelican is the only pelican species to have a horn on its bill. May 16, 2012. SARAH O. SWENSON / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Are you still on the Bombers' and Jets' bandwagons?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google