Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Time to open your eyes: there's more to hubby's lies

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband of three years has just confessed an infidelity. I was having a complete physical and my doctor had reason to test me for chlamydia and gonorrhea. The test was negative, thankfully, but before I knew the results I asked my husband if he'd been intimate with anyone else. About 14 months ago he took a trip to Vegas with a single guy friend. They met women and one thing lead to another after an evening of drinking. He said he did not have sex with this woman. We have a two-year-old son; if it weren't for him, I'd be gone! My husband is devastated from hiding this for so long and says he will do anything to fix it. This isn't the first time he's lied to me, but as far as I know it's the first time he's cheated. He has been suffering from anxiety and mild depression because of this lie. Now that he's confessed I almost feel relieved because I know what's been causing these mental-health issues. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be lied to any more. -- Stay or Go? Winnipeg

Dear Stay Or Go: Is your husband not happy being married with a wife and child? A youngish man with ball-and-chain syndrome? Let's get your eyes wide open: Why would a married guy need to go on a wild trip to Vegas with a single buddy? And who tipped your doctor off you needed testing -- your husband? It seems you can't let go emotionally, so insist on marriage counselling while you still have him willing to do anything to keep you. Work on getting all truths out on the table -- the fishy older lies never quite resolved and the new set wafting from Nevada. What happened in Vegas may have stayed in Vegas. Find out through counselling if he can learn to tell the truth consistently and be happy in a marriage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In response to your advice to a 70-year-old woman to have her 88-year-old boyfriend renovate and move into her home, please remind folks to seek legal advice before making such decisions. In this case, having the gentleman renovate part of her home and move into it could create legal rights for him. Before you tell her to "go for it," she should also know whether she has to share in the value of her home on separation or death, the right to determine who inherits her property, and whether she can use the equity in her home as she sees fit. I wholeheartedly support her enjoying this new relationship, but she should protect her rights or choose not to, after making an informed decision. I've had too many older folks come to my office after the fact, regretting decisions such as these. -- Your Friendly Anonymous Family Law Lawyer

Dear Lawyer: You make excellent points. But let me add she should quietly see her own lawyer, not the one she shares with her kids who are in line for the inheritances. I have seen too many older sweethearts living apart for years on other people's advice, in an effort to protect the money that will go to their old children -- often past the 50-year mark! Mostly it's the future recipients and their lawyers who do the counselling.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 23, 2013 G5

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