Time to tell your wife she's involved in an open marriage

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My suspicious wife has gone down to the lake for the summer. Hallelujah! I only go down on the weekends and she says she'll be coming back once a week to do laundry, and check up on me and I'll never know which day. Why? Because last year I was caught cheating on her -- just casual sex which she found out from a neighbour. It had nothing to do with our love, in my mind, and I explained that to her over and over. She is so spoiled (no kids, no job) and loves the lake so much, she has chosen to "forgive" me, although she still doesn't trust me. I'm just so grateful to have her out of my hair during the week, I wasn't even thinkimg about other women. And then, I got a phone call. My special friend at work, who listened to my troubles last summer, asked if she could come over, saying she was "lonely." I said, "No, I don't think it's a good idea," and then she started crying on the phone. Today at work she was very quiet, and we were the only two in the office at lunch time. I asked if she was angry and she said, "No I'm just feeling embarrassed and rejected." I felt so bad, I came up behind her and put my arms around her -- she's my best friend, after all. Then she turned around in my arms and kissed me right on the mouth. Now I'm in trouble because I really liked it, and making love with her is all I can think about. -- Just a Kiss Away, Winnipeg

Dear Kiss Away: Poor diddums.You had a whole night to think of your lost opportunity. And you just had to know walking over and wrapping your arms around her body was going to excite a physical reaction. But do you really need this at work with all those complications? By the way, don't pay any attention to the crocodile tears the other night. They were as phony as your offer of comfort the next day. Her booty call was a calculated move made with inside information on your life. She knows you're weak, and she knew exactly when your wife left for summer vacation. Plus, you don't have to be a woman for very long to hear about the usefulness of well-placed tears. Let's be realistic. You two are a perfect pair of sneaks and there's an affair in the air. It's time you told your wife she's involved in an open marriage again this summer, and she might want to consider her options.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a middle-aged woman with a crush on an older man. He's an ex-athlete and plenty virile at 61 and we have had successful sex three times now, so it isn't a fluke. He's widowed and says I'm too young for him at 48. I know he adores me. I said, "Why not have a fling?" and he said, "Because I want more, with a woman like you." What now? -- Crazy For Him, Westwood

Dear Crazy: Have a real relationship with him, or let the poor guy go. He's had to go through the loss of his wife and he doesn't need somebody who's just fooling around. He's used to being involved at a deep level, so his appetite for "having a good time" is already satiated. You have a decision to make, if he still wants you. He may have meant exactly what he said and be finished with you. If so, respect that and set your sights on someone else. He's had enough grief.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 18 and mow lawns and work on flower gardens for rich people in my neighbourhood as a landscaping business. The other day a customer gave me a loonie on a $99 job on her acreage as a "tip" for working in 35 C weather. She heard me mutter "cheap" and she bawled me out in front of one of her neighbours. I told her I was walking off her property for good and she could find someone else and she started screaming at me. I was hot, sunburned, soaking in sweat and furious. I had learned this line from my sister who's a waitress: "You better keep this. You obviously need it more than I do." And so I said it and threw it in the grass. By the time I got home, she'd called my excitable mother she knows from the same golf club. Now my mother is jumping up and down, insisting I apologize, but I never will. Today Mom isn't talking to me at home -- childish, I know, but she does this to my dad for weeks on end when she wants to get her way, and it works. What should I do? -- Holding the Line, Tuxedo.

Dear Holding: Speak to your dad. Tell him: "I'm 18, of age, handling my own business. What I do or say with my customers is my business and not Mom's, and I won't let them run me through her. I understand she's embarrassed at the club, but I'm not apologizing, ever." Dad will relay this to her. Then be firm but pleasant with Mom, and talk to her as if she has laryngitis. Show her you are made out of different material than your dad. By the way, you may need to get some roommates together and move out this summer, if you truly want to be independent. Pay your own bills and no one can tell you what to do or say. You could take a gap year and earn a stash of money for college or university the following year. There's nothing like having your own place and your own money to change the dynamics with parents.

Please email your problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 12, 2012 C3