DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I don't believe it. I've just been kicked out! I know I haven't been a good provider for my wife and her kids, but I'm a musician and the money comes when it comes. My wife says I'm "an extra mouth to feed" and she's tired of supporting two kids and a "useless" guy. I just wrote a song called Useless in less than 20 minutes. Doesn't that prove what I'm good at? I'm just not good at business. She says I should get a band together again, but l've done that gig for too many years. Then she said I should teach lessons, but what a soul destroyer. Damn kids don't even practise. Today she said, "Get your ass down to a convenience store to work!" I just laughed at that. Then she said, "Get out. Go live with your lazy-ass buddies." Why should I? This is my home and I paid half the down payment eight years ago when things were going better. -- Damn Good Musician, Winnipeg
Dear Musician: I can just hear the musicians around town hooting. You're spoiled rotten. Most musicians have other jobs to make a full living, and with any luck, they're music-related. And how does half a down payment eight years ago, and little since, help keep up with the mortgage? You forget your wife keeps paying every month -- if she didn't, you'd all be homeless. With your attitude of entitlement you'll be lucky if your mom or one of your music buddies will let you in.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at a social and danced all night with a girl who was really into me -- dancin' dirty and everything. She was so fine. We went for cigarettes and we kissed outside behind the building. At the end of the night, I asked to take her home and she said, "Not tonight, but here's my number." I tried it once and it's the number for the dog pound. Is that supposed to be an insult to me? -- Foreign Student, West End
Dear Foreign Student: Don't take it too personally. She probably made up the number as she was writing it. She was just out for a little fun and didn't feel it was safe to give out her number so soon. Too bad she didn't just tell you the truth instead.
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