Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Too much lying ends with nothing but crying

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been crying for four days and I'm a wreck. The man I love just left me and said the exact same thing to me my ex-boyfriend did: "You lie so good you don't even know you are lying." It was so suspicious, almost word for word, that I phoned my ex, mad. He said, "Yeah, the poor sucker came to see me and we talked." I couldn't believe the nerve of that.

I'll confess I have a drug problem that makes me say crazy things when I'm running out. I lie about how much pain I have to my doctor and the drugs I need because I'm addicted to painkillers. It's not my fault! I can't live without them now even though my terrible back is better. I told my new guy I had gone for private treatment but it hadn't worked, which wasn't true. I plan to get into rehab one day soon, just not right now. Please help me get him back. I love him so much. He's the only thing that made sense in my life. -- Broken Heart, Downtown

Dear Broken Heart: The first people to contact former partners -- an embarrassing thing to do -- are those who think they're being hoodwinked. Addicts are practised liars and sometimes believe themselves after a while, which makes them very convincing. While this new man may have been the only thing that made sense in your life, you were lying to him and didn't make sense in his life. He wanted straight answers and he certainly couldn't get them from you.

You need to get clean and sober and stay that way to have this kind of partner stay in your life, otherwise you'll pull him down with you. But right now, you don't want to stop using, correct? You can't blame this guy for trying to find out the truth about his life with you. When you're finally ready to quit, call the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (204-944-6200), tell them the whole truth and ask for the help you need.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out on my third date with a guy I met online and we had another dinner date with a kiss at the end. Is this going nowhere? Isn't there a kind of third-date rule or understanding about taking it to the next level?

Do you think he doesn't find me attractive? Do I want to invest more in him if I don't like how he is in bed? No, so what do I do? I can't just eat dessert and say, "Let's go to my place and do the wild thing," so what's good girl to do? -- Have My Needs, River Heights

Dear Needs: The "three dates before sex" myth is causing trouble out in Dating & Mating Land for a lot of people. In your case, it's about six jumps away from dinner and a few kisses. Why would you want to miss all the fun in getting more and more intimate -- having deep talks, trading secrets, talking about what you like sexually, exploring a step or two up from kissing?

The degree of sexual intimacy should match the degree of emotional intimacy, and you don't have much of that yet.


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 25, 2013 D4

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