DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a gay 23-year-old guy who came out to a few friends a couple years ago. I'm one of those people who no one would suspect to be gay, and I fit in with any group of guys. My problem is, I don't know where to find a boyfriend. I'm really involved at school with many groups and committees, and between my high school and university friends, I don't get lonely very often. It's just when my life slows down a bit and I have a day off, I notice it and it bothers me. I've done the whole online thing, which is frustrating for the most part, and I don't think I'd fit in or enjoy myself all that much at a gay bar. Any suggestions? I'm also quite terrible at figuring out if someone is gay or not, and since I don't come off as gay, I'm sure no one is going to make the first move with me. What do I do? -- Waiting, Winnipeg
Dear Waiting: You may be the kind of guy who will seriously date a few people, fall in love and get married. Your personality may not lend itself to gadding around the clubs looking for partners, but it does lend itself to getting involved in social reform, and getting involved in support groups -- generally getting serious about helping with issues in Winnipeg's gay community. That may be further "out" that you want to be at this point, as you say you only came out to a few of your friends a couple of years ago. Do you have a small group of friends who are gay or are you always hanging out with your old straight buddies? Opening up to a second circle of gay friends now would be a good step. They could help you to meet nice people they know, and you might find a boyfriend. The Rainbow Resource Centre's website -- www.rainbowresourcecentre.org -- would be good place to start seeing how you could get involved and be helpful and find new friends. While its great your old friends accept you, you also need to get involved with the multifaceted gay community in Winnipeg, which involves a lot more than socializing.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married my husband because he's a good guy and I really love him very much. His brother was living overseas and only came home recently. To my horror, I felt completely swept away by him from the moment I laid eyes on him. He didn't pay much attention to me. He's coming home again for the summer and my stomach is full of butterflies whenever I think of him arriving back here. I feel guilty for feeling this way but this is the way I feel. What am I to do about these feelings? -- Guilty Sister-in-Law, Winnipeg
Dear Guilty: While we like to think crushes don't happen after two people are married, they do tend to come along every once in a while. Luckily yours is one-sided. Your best bet would be to spend as little time around the man as possible. People who know you well, like your husband for instance, can often spot an amorous glance or a flirtatious move. There is probably nothing more hurtful than watching your mate falling for your sibling, so watch yourself very closely. If nothing is done to fan the flame, and the brother is clearly not interested in you, your crush will probably settle down after a bit.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6