Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Use failing marriage to rethink sneaky love life

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have two men in my life and they are both beautiful human beings. I don't count my husband, because he is a bad person. He is a good breadwinner, but he is not a trustworthy man. He cheats on me every time I have a baby and am out of commission. That ugly discovery opened the door for me to see who else is out there.

What I found was amazing. My lovers are both married -- and there is much necessary lying and covering up involved for us to keep this all underground. I do love them both very much.

A few weeks ago my husband found out I have been seeing others, and is demanding a divorce. If I go for it, my two lovers will disappear because they are both married and the playing field will no longer be level with my being single. What should I do? -- Caught in the Middle, Winnipeg

Dear Caught: Look, you and your husband have little left of a real marriage, except the children, and you will split the money between you, according to law. Your husband is angry now, and demanding a divorce, so this is the time to see your own domestic lawyer, ASAP.

This is also an opportunity to raise your personal life to a different level -- unless you like the cloak-and-dagger scene when you're sneaking around. (Some people become addicted to the drama.) There's another important issue to consider seriously when you do this: Do you want your kids to find out their mother and father cheat and lie to each other and have other lovers? They are growing older every day, and you can't fool kids with these behaviours forever. They hear and absorb so much of their parents' verbal communication and actions, and it can be very hard on them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Fourteen years ago I got in the car and drove far away from the young woman of 17 whom I loved. I went to the west coast and worked on the boats at first. I heard I had broken her heart in pieces. Now I am back in Winnipeg and I went to a social last weekend and heard about her and that her marriage dissolved a few years ago.

I am now obsessed with seeing her. I saw the back of her head on Facebook. She may have seen me because I have been on Facebook for a few years. I left because she and I were so young, and she wanted to get married and have kids right away. I wanted to be educated and also be a musician on the side -- big dreams. I accomplished both goals, but married poorly. Now, like every other lost soul, I have come home to my roots and I have a new job in Winnipeg. Should I contact her? I know she is single, no boyfriend right now. What should I do? -- The Runaway, Winnipeg

Dear Runaway: Half of me says "Leave her alone after what you did," and the other half says "Why not call her?" She may have missed you and will want to see you. Or, she may throw the first available object at your head.

I have readers with long-lost loves in their backgrounds. Some old loves have come back and looked them up -- with good, bad and indifferent results. Some people -- not very many -- dream someone who broke their heart as a teenager would come back as a grown-up. I'm asking anyone with an opinion on this or first-hand experience to write me and share their thoughts. What do you think? Is it a bad idea or a good idea for Runaway to look this woman up?

Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 24, 2014 A15

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