DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend has an overload of testosterone. I don't know how to put this delicately, but he is always up for the challenge and I mean always, even in public. He has even been to the doctor about this, but the strange thing is this only happens when he's with me, so the doctor said he wasn't worried. But whenever he's with me, he has a full you-know-what the whole time. My friends have made jokes about it as he's not a small boy and it's noticeable. Lately, he's started wearing longer plaid shirts on the outside of his jeans to cover up. I don't know whether to take this as a compliment or whether to react to it as kind of weird and obscene. We are both 26 and from a conservative background, and though I'm not a virgin, we're not having sex yet. He is a virgin. My older married sister says, "Why don't you just have sex with him and get it over with so we can all relax." -- Creepy or a Compliment, Downtown
Dear C or C: You don't mention having big feelings for this guy. Does that make holding off having sex quite easy for you, or is it your religious beliefs? If you think you're slowly falling in love and will have sex soon enough, that's one thing, but if this is just a fill-in boyfriend to date until Mr. Right comes along, it might be time to back off. Is he a contender for your heart or not? If he is, let him know how long he can expect to wait and he may just settle down knowing that there's a few weeks or months to wait.
If you can speak frankly with him you might suggest he go a preliminary round with himself before he meets up with you, especially when there's going to be other people, like friends and family, around. While it's not wise to jump into something you're not ready for, it's clear he's more than ready. Because he's a virgin, his curiosity is driving him crazy so that may be all he thinks about when he sees you, like you are the answer to his big question.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a big fan. A group of us at work discuss your column as a daily ritual and it often leads to pretty lively conversation and lots of fun. One thing missing from your advice to Sad & Scared about the man-eating barracuda chasing her man is this: After telling the barracuda off and threatening her husband with jeopardy to their marriage, she better do one more thing -- drag him directly to the bedroom to show him why she is by far his best option! Men aren't tempted by barracudas if they are getting it great at home. -- Miss L. Discussion Group, Chair
Dear Miss L. Discussion Group: After telling a husband off over a man-eating barracuda he's been responding to, most ladies I know would not feel like taking their guy to bed for the night of his life. Women don't feel like cavemen who want to drag off their partners and reclaim territory. Nor do women feel like rewarding men for flirting. If a man starts redirecting his loving attention towards her and shunning the barracuda, then his wife will start to warm up emotionally and the two of them can re-engage in a loving and sexual way. But, she certainly doesn't have to prove anything to him until he proves to her he loves her deeply and is back to paying all his attention to her.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I, too, am dealing with infertility and I completely agree with Sympathy, who hates questions about when she's going to have a baby. I feel the same. I've already cut out all the stuff that's bad stuff for you, completely changed my diet, done yoga for fertility, acupuncture, massage and met with the specialists -- the whole works! Whether its unexplained infertility or because you have endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome, it is hard and difficult. While advice from specialists is great, you need the support. The Winnipeg Infertility Resource Centre is at 204-488-2673. They have group that meets every second and fourth Tuesday. You could also try your employee-assistance program for free resources on group insurance, or online groups. The Infertility Awareness Association of Canada (www.iaac.ca) also has great information. Try and hang in there! -- Same as Sympathy, Winnipeg
Dear Same: Thanks for caring enough to write in with assistance that comes form your experience with this heartbreaking problem for couples.
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