Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Whether friend was assaulted or not, she needs help to deal with problem

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My friend and I got into a recent squabble about her ex. She has a huge hate on for him because he broke up with her, and then made out with another girl after they had broken up. It has been way over a year since they broke up.

She is now claiming he sexually assaulted her. Her opinion of sexual assault is different than my opinion. She says that he performed oral sex on her and she didn't want it. The thing is, she didn't say no or tell him to stop. She let him continue. She claims she was pressured and he should have verbally asked her if he could perform the act.

She claims to be a huge feminist, but even I know as a woman I have the right to say no, no matter what. She wouldn't stop talking about it with me and I kept refuting her serious accusations because I believe that isn't sexual assault and it could ruin his future. She also doesn't want to criminally charge him. She just wants to hold it against him for the rest of his life.

I am sick of fighting about it with her, so I told her to never talk to me again. She said, "Fine, talk to me again when you apologize." I now see her entire Facebook wall is covered with posts about sexual assault. She is obsessed and it is scary! I believe she could benefit from seeking professional help, but she refuses to listen. I feel he should know what she is saying about him, but I don't want to get in the middle of it. What should I do? -- Concerned, Winnipeg

 

Dear Concerned: Anybody who is being slandered on a serious matter like sexual assault deserves to know so they can defend themselves -- with legal help, if necessary. It's her word against his, and people may find it difficult to believe. This former friend of yours needs to get help from somebody who has experience dealing with sexual assault. Whether or not there was assault, she believes there was, and it is damaging her.

She can phone the Klinic sexual assault line 24/7 to begin a conversation with someone who understands how to help people who are feeling traumatized by a sexual experience. Silence is not consent. Men and women should be aware they should ask, "Is this OK?" with any act they are about to engage in.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The way I see it, the mother of three is the 13-year-old girl left at home when her mother is at work. I understand that mom is doing her best to raise the family on her own by working two jobs. But this is not fair to the teenager. There is plenty of blame to go around here. Birth control is cheap and easily accessible by mom or the father(s)?

My bigger question is where are the father(s) in all of this? If the father(s) are deadbeats, I firmly believe that mom has the responsibility to bring them to court on her children's behalf. It takes two to tango but money to raise kids. Mom doing two jobs is commendable, but how much time does she have to spend with her kids to ensure that they are well raised and that they don't repeat the mistakes of their parents? -- Father of One, Winnipeg

Dear Father of One: It's very easy to judge people and you are a father of one, perhaps with a wife? Not all the fathers out there are responsible like you and willing to get involved in their children's lives.

It can be complicated and expensive for a mom to take people to court. If the father(s) don't have any money, there might not be much support to extract. Also, be aware birth control is not perfect and it is not cheap, and people sometimes don't put things on or use pills correctly.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 18, 2014 D4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Brian Brohm on standby for Willy

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • Down the Hatch- A pelican swallows a fresh fish that it caught on the Red River near Lockport, Manitoba. Wednesday morning- May 01, 2013   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • A Yellow-bellied Sapsucker hangs out on a birch tree in St. Vital. The Yellow-bellied Sapsucker is considered a keystone species. Other species take advantage of the holes that the birds make in trees. A group of sapsuckers are collectively known as a

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Do you think Judy Wasylycia-Leis will greatly benefit from the endorsement by Winnipeg's firefighters?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google