DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home unexpectedly two nights early from a business trip as a surprise and got a bad shock -- my wife was dressed to go out as a man. Her breasts were taped and she was wearing a suit with her short hair styled like a guy and no makeup on. She looked like a handsome man. She nervously said she was experimenting, just for a laugh, and quickly changed into something feminine-looking. Her phone rang all night. I hid in the basement and watched sports. I feel sick. I don't know what to do. Is my wife gay or something else? -- In Shock, Fort Garry
Dear Shock: Only your wife can tell you where she's at sexually, and chances are she may not even know. Sexuality is a continuum. She isn't "gay" if she loves you and wants to have a sexual relationship with you, but part of her may long to look and act like a man. She may be experimenting with a number of different things including bisexuality or a sex change. You have to start by talking with her heart to heart. Much is going on that you don't know, and the repeated phone calls that night are a signal others are involved.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has gone to work and I am sitting alone in the living room. I have finally faced the realization I miss being single so bad I can hardly stand it. I have been married less than a year, and I want out. We are both in our 20s. We had a big, expensive wedding and our parents have the mistaken idea we are happy and the wedding was worth it. I am unhappy and my wife is putting up with me because she wants a baby. How do you tell your parents the $20,000 wedding and the down payment on the house were a bad bet?
We could go to marriage counselling, but truthfully, I don't want it. I want to be free and I don't want a baby. I pace the house like a lion in a cage. I hate this couples lifestyle where none of our close friends is single anymore. My wife sees my single-guy friends as a threat -- and she is right. I want to be with them and live like them. She has done nothing wrong. Help! -- Hate Marriage, Winnipeg
Dear Hate Marriage: No matter the cost of the wedding, no parent wants their child to be miserable and nobody wants to see a baby conceived in a marriage that is sinking. If you aren't troubled by issues that can be analyzed and worked out, and simply want your freedom, then counselling is additional money wasted.
You don't mention anything about your feelings toward your wife. Do you still love her, or do you want to be with someone else or be free to date? If you simply resent the lockdown and being kept away from your single friends, and you still love this woman, insist on relationship counselling to deal with that. Most marriages are not so tightly bound.
Wanting a sexually free single lifestyle is a different story.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am writing about the red wine that was spilled on the white coat the sister wore without asking. There is a product called Spot Shot that's terrific and has worked for me even after other methods have been tried. -- Works for Me, Winnipeg
Dear Works for Me: That product is available at most big-box hardware and department stores and is certainly worth a try. It beats buying a new coat.
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