DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is talking way too much about this guy we both know who just went to jail. I can tell she has a crush on him. I've been to jail a few times, but it was nothing really serious. (Who hasn't, that I would know?) The thing is, I've been working and I've been clean and sober for several years now, and she wants to go and visit this jerk. At first I was half-OK with it because the guy is locked up, so what can he do? But then I thought, "No way!" He can play on her sympathy and get some feelings going with her, so I told her, "No! You can't go see this guy."
She's been sulking for a week. Today she said, "If you were locked up again, I'd go out to see you all the time. This poor man has no family and we are his friends." I said, "OK, but we go together and stay 15 minutes." She refused my offer. What's up? -- His Rival? Winnipeg
Dear Rival: She wants to go see him alone, not with you -- a definite red flag. It's important for you not to participate in any way. Driving your wife out to see a guy she's got a crush on would be a dumb move. So let her sulk and get bored of the whole game, or make a decision to move out and start visiting him. Did she visit you in jail? Some women prefer the freedom of that situation than actually living with a man. In a strange way they find it romantic, and if he's capable of dishonesty, at least they always know where he is.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a young son who is autistic and an elderly grandmother in a wheelchair who has Alzheimer's. I also have as a toddler and baby. I would love to spend more time with my grandmother and give my children a chance to know her, and her them. The problem is my older son is non-verbal and he can be quite a handful at times and it upsets my grandmother, who complains about him to other family members.
I don't want to just leave him at home all the time and only bring the other two because it's not fair and upsets him. He sees us getting ready to leave and wants to come, too. Even if I were willing to leave him home, I can't, because my boyfriend also works a lot on the weekends and there aren't many people that can handle babysitting him. I don't know what to do. -- Seeking Advice, Winnipeg
Dear Seeking: You may need to take a helper with you on visits to Granny's to help with the three kids, or look into special respite care for your autistic son while you're away. Since Grandma is scared of him, it doesn't make sense to take him there with the other two kids unless someone else can be there to help distract him and keep him busy. An aunt or cousin, perhaps?
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