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Wife not very sympathetic about partner's 'pregnancy'

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You'd think my big baby of a husband was pregnant. He has a bigger pot belly than I have a pregnancy belly and he has gained pound for pound with me. When I feel sick, he claims to feel sick, too. Frankly, I'm getting sick of his trying to steal my thunder. What is his problem? -- Got a Fake Pregnant Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Fake: Fatigue, weight gain and nausea can develop when a man is very close and in tune with this mate, but the pregnant ladies don't appreciate it. Some of the man's symptoms make sense. If his pregnant wife isn't sleeping well in the same bed, it's hard for the man to sleep well. If the new mom is scarfing down treats she craves, hubby starts thinking about treats he likes. The mention of nausea or the smell of vomit can make the husband feel sick, too. It's not such a big deal if a woman can keep up a sense of humour about it, but a lot of women just feel annoyed when this is their time to be pampered and be the focus.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just wanted to pass along to people who may not have common sense not to ask women/couples when they are going to be having children. I know this subject is uncomfortable to some, as it is awkward to deal with, but the advice to just relax or "Have a couple of drinks, that worked for me," drives me crazy. Don't you think we've done all that and that we were relaxed in the beginning?

As someone suffering with infertility for close to three years (even with doctor intervention), I've been asked many different times when we'll be having children. At first, we were saying, "Oh, soon," and we were. Unfortunately, our little angel was taken from us, as we suffered a miscarriage. That began our three-year struggle to become pregnant again. It is a hard journey for us, it takes a toll on your marriage and friendships as others become pregnant. It is like a death each month when your period comes. Your hopes and dreams of becoming a mother/father die each month. I just wanted to give a little insight to those who may not know what it is to suffer from infertility.

One thing that would be more helpful than offering advice is just saying: "This sucks. It's not fair." Infertility can make you feel very lonely, and having people offer their advice on what do to makes you feel that you are even more alone. Having your partner, friends and your support circle agreeing with you (that it sucks), makes you feel a little less alone.

As women, we are supposed to be able to make babies, and when you can't, sometimes we feel less like a woman. We are reminded daily of what we can't do when we see other pregnant women or babies. So next time someone you know gets married or moves in together, and you want to ask the question of when they are having kids, take a moment and think if it's really any of your business. --Sympathy or No Comments, Please, Winnipeg

Dear Sympathy: There are many things people shouldn't comment about to women with regards to pregnancy. Asking "when" is rude and invasive and could be greeted with the comeback, "Why do you ask?" or say with a smile, "That's something personal I don't like to talk about except with my doctor." Then say you have to go to the bathroom, smile and leave.

Some people have written to say they had luck once they cut out all foods with preservatives, produce grown with the use of pesticides or DNA-modified produce. Check out all-natural food stores like the Red River General Store on Henderson Highway or Organic Planet on Westminster Avenue.


Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 29, 2014 G4

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