Work-life balance? Ha! And no, sorry... I haven't seen your 'good' socks!

Anne-Marie Slaughter caused some ideological upset when she wrote in this month's Atlantic about leaving a high-level public policy position in Washington so she could spend more time with her two teenaged boys.

The piece was given the provocative title "Why Women Still Can't Have It All," the "having it all" reference carrying a certain '80s shoulder-padded-Superwoman vibe. The magazine then plunked a toddler into a briefcase for the cover photo, which seemed a calculated attempt to give that breastfeeding three-year-old on the Time cover a run for his money.

The Atlantic has gotten into the habit of driving web traffic with button-pushing gender pieces. There was "Marry Him!" which suggested that women should marry Mr. Good Enough instead of holding out for Mr. Right. There was "What Me, Marry?" which suggested that women no longer needed to marry at all now that they've overtaken their male counterparts in the post-industrial economy. And then there was "Delayed Childbearing," which told women, married or not, to get on the fertility train... right now!

Continuing in this wake of woman-baiting issues, The Atlantic seems to be saying, hey lady, you have the husband, the kids and the good job, so now what? Not surprisingly, Slaughter's piece was both commended and condemned. It generated 777,751 hits on Atlantic's site within the first week of posting, while spinning out into social media through Twitter and Facebook.

Of course, most working mothers -- even those who don't have White House jobs -- already know that women can't have it all. (Um, maybe because nobody has it all?) But the controversy probably had more to do with the article's fire-starting packaging than the article itself, which is mostly a judicious, thoughtful piece of writing that carefully qualifies its terms.

Critics attacked Slaughter by saying that this is a First World problem, an Angelina Jolie problem, that it makes the project of feminism look "piggy and acquisitive." Slaughter is clear that she is focusing on the plight of privileged, educated professional women. She realizes many women -- single mothers, primary breadwinners and those fighting for a handhold in a tough economy -- "are worrying not about having it all, but rather about holding on to what they do have."

But Slaughter argues that problems for women at all levels -- lack of reliable and affordable day care, inflexible and outmoded workplace cultures -- won't budge until we have more women in high-profile leadership positions. And Slaughter is unsure about how to get women into those leadership positions, since she's basically admitting that she herself has retrenched for the sake of her family.

In the meantime, we all wrassle with work-life balance -- an irritating catchphrase that suggests a spectacular level of professional success combined with homemade apple pie and hand-sewn Halloween costumes. Most of us recognize that the work-home formula -- for many people more of a necessity than a "lifestyle choice" -- is a series of improvised solutions and creative stop-gaps, good intentions and good-enough results. Raising kids while working outside the home will involve at least a few years of slightly frazzled, sleep-deprived multitasking.

Of course, if you grew up with a stay-at-home mom -- as many of us who are now balancing home and work did -- there is a small residual part of you that is somehow surprised that the house is a disaster at the end of the week and you have to spend most of Saturday cleaning, cooking and running domestic errands.

Add to that the attitudes of many 21st-century workplaces, with their "always on" stresses and time-crunches and their hyper-competitive environments. As Slaughter points out, in the centres of power, leaving a job "to spend time with your family" is basically a euphemism for being fired.

Part of what Slaughter is saying, and what many are reluctant to hear, is that something's gotta give. She recognizes that the career arcs and parenting patterns that were minted in the 1950s are no longer relevant, and that all of us -- women and men -- face complex problems and multiple possibilities.

The headline of the Atlantic article makes it seem as if feminism duped us, leaving us with a promise betrayed. But feminism never promised it all, and Slaughter seems pretty clear about that. At its best, feminism promised choices. And choices are what we all make -- with the consequences, compromises and the adult stuff that come with them. Sometimes that means having the best of both work and family. And sometimes it means doing laundry at 11 o'clock on Saturday night.

alison.gillmor@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 1, 2012 E3