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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
World loses a true legend
Tarzan's sidekick Cheetah swings in that great big jungle in the sky
Johnny Weissmuller, right, as Tarzan, Maureen O'Sullivan as Jane, and Cheetah the chimp, in a scene from the 1932 movie Tarzan the Ape Man. Cheetah died on Dec. 24. (THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES)
I was lying in bed over the holidays, enjoying the last few moments of sleep the way a normal person enjoys a big, juicy steak, when, suddenly and without warning, my wife burst into our bedroom.
I was groggy and confused, but the primitive part of my brain where guys of my gender keep our innermost feelings warned me she probably had bad news to share.
I was right. Without any greeting, my wife just blurted it out. "Cheetah is dead," she snorted, ripping open the curtains so the morning sun could zap my eyeballs like high-intensity lasers.
Instantly, my foggy brain began to process the news. "Huh?" I replied, shielding my eyes from the sunlight.
"Cheetah is dead," she grunted again, "I just read it online."
I scowled. "Thanks for breaking it to me so gently," I muttered, hoping to convey how deeply I'd been hurt by this unexpected tragedy.
For those of you who are not members of my generation (the Jurassic), I should explain that Cheetah was one of the greatest film stars of all time. He was the lovable chimpanzee sidekick in the legendary Tarzan movies starring former Olympic swimming champion Johnny Weissmuller and flame-haired Maureen O'Sullivan.
The first and best Tarzan flicks were made back in the 1930s, but they became a staple of Saturday afternoon TV programming in the 1960s, which was when I was first introduced to this small but adorably hairy film icon.
The thing is, they made about a million Tarzan movies, meaning they had roughly the same number of chimps playing the role of Cheetah. Like child actors, chimps have an annoying tendency to grow and become less cute, meaning they have to be replaced on a regular basis.
But, according to the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Fla., the simian sidekick that died at age 80 of kidney failure on Christmas Eve was the original Cheetah, handed over by Weissmuller himself in 1960.
Whether that story is true isn't important. What's important is that Cheetah is gone, and it is unlikely we will see a comic genius of his stature again. If you have ever seen a Tarzan movie, you know Cheetah was the real star.
The rubber-faced chimp was more natural, intelligent and sophisticated on screen and displayed a wider range of subtle emotions than Sylvester Stallone and all the Baldwin brothers and Kardashian sisters combined.
When I was a kid, we used to play in the woods behind my house and imitate Tarzan by tying ropes to random tree limbs and attempting to swing across a creek, which in our minds was a mighty jungle river. As we swung, we'd emulate Tarzan's trademark yell, but it sounded more like a pained yelp, as if our private parts were trapped in a trash compactor. I won raves for my impersonation of Cheetah, which involved bending over backwards, howling and dragging my knuckles in the dirt.
Along with the ability to walk upright like a human, Cheetah had other gifts. Recalls a volunteer at the primate sanctuary: "When he didn't like somebody... he would pick up some poop and throw it at them. He could get you at 30 feet with bars in between."
So, even in retirement, Cheetah conducted himself with greater dignity than, for example, Lindsay Lohan.
For those of you not familiar with Cheetah's work, every Tarzan movie ever made has the same basic plot: Bad guys enter the jungle looking for treasure; they trick Tarzan into helping them and Cheetah has to ride to the rescue, usually on the back of a stampeding elephant.
Bad Guy No. 1: "Hello, Tarzan, we are just two innocent scientists and definitely not up to no good."
Bad Guy No. 2: "Yes, we are certainly not here looking to plunder priceless treasures from the Lost City of Gold."
Tarzan (grunting): "Ungawa, Tarzan help men."
Cheetah (screeching): "Eeeeeeeh! Eeeeeeeh! WONK!"
The "wonking" sound would come from the coconuts that Cheetah would fling at the heads of the bad guys to convey to Tarzan the fact they were evil, but Tarzan never seemed to catch on until the end of the movie, which usually involved Cheetah rounding up herds of angry jungle creatures to stomp the bad guys into a puddle of goo the way neighbourhood teenagers stomp my jack-o-lanterns on Halloween.
Sadly, we lost a lot of amazing people in the last year, but forgive me if I get a little misty-eyed remembering one of the most underrated performers of all time.
If Cheetah taught us anything, it is this: Great actors may not grow on trees, but, from time to time, they hang out in them.
doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca;
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 4, 2012 A2
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