DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband thinks he's so %$@* hot. These days he's always showing off at social events we go to, and mainly for the women. I can take that part. Lately though, he's been showing off for men too, in a joking semi-flirtatious way. This, along with discovering a stash of men's gay-ish fashion magazines, under his bed has aroused a suspicion in me that he is flirting with being bisexual. We have allowed each other one night "hall passes" from our marriage because we married too young and have never had any other boyfriends or girlfriends. But, this is too much. Last night he mentioned to me he'd like to go to a well-known sex club where both gays and straights are welcome, and they are not necessarily coupled already. I said, "Over my dead body," and he said, under his breath, "Sometimes I think it is." OK, so we're down to once every two weeks, but it's been 25 years. We love each other, but it's grown cold. What do you suggest? Lately he's been dieting and buying new clothes. I'm still chubby. My gut aches all the time. I'm scared. -- Trouble Brewing? Winnipeg
Dear Brewing? Yes, of course it is! Your gut never lies, when you know someone this well. Sit him down and say "What's going on? I see you dieting and dressing up and showing off for both men and women and right in front of me. I need to know what the score is, and I want the whole truth. I'm not afraid of facing whatever if going on, but it's killing me not knowing. I feel sick and scared." Maybe it has burned out for him, or maybe he's on a new sexual adventure. It could be he's just trying to make you so jealous you'll desire him again. At any rate, you need to know now. It can't be any worse than the feeling of dread that has taken up residence in your stomach.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young boss has taken me on a few conventions with him, ostensibly to take notes for him and network and help him out as his administrative assistant. The truth is he wants me in bed. On the last trip which just ended, he knocked on my door at about 11 p.m. after a long, hard day, wearing just his robe, and wanted to come in "to talk." I held onto the door handle and told him "I'm embarrassed because I'm not properly dressed. How about we both get dressed and meet in the bar, for whatever business you want to discuss." He said, all red in the face, "No, not necessary. Sorry, go to bed now and I'll see you at breakfast." Close call! He's a great guy, but I don't want him sexually. We're both single and he has lots of money and adores me, but I still don't feel it. How do I get this one-sided romance thing stopped? Should I invent a boyfriend? -- Nothing Doing!
Dear nothing: Inventing a boyfriend is too hard to keep, and besides, when you need to produce him for a party, you don't have Prince Charming. Way too complicated! Tell this amorous boss that you admire many things about him, but you aren't interested in an affair. If he asks what you don't like about him, don't fall into the trap of answering. As for travelling with him, try to wiggle out of the next trip, and he might also be relieved now that he knows nothing is ever going to happen between hotel sheets. "Almost affairs" at work can be settled down way better than "brief affairs" with carnal memories. He can always tell himself you didn't know what you were missing. Ha!