You will likely be a flash in his 'pan'

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm deeply in love with a man who wants to have me as his major lover. But, this weekend he exploded a bomb. He says he will be seeing other "partners" casually. I guess a clue should have been that he was married when I started having sex with him, so he's used to having multiple lovers in his life. Miss L., he is the best lover I have ever known -- passionate and inventive and amazing stamina! But now I know he gets sex whenever he wants it, and he's so hot-looking he can get it from whomever he wishes. I should mention he also sees men once in a while. I thought this would all stop with my being his main woman and our being "in love." He does say he's crazy about me. I don't know where to turn. He told me he's "pansexual" last night. What does that mean? What should I do? Don't tell me to bail because I can't. I'm addicted to him. -- Going Nuts, River Heights

Dear Nuts: A dictionary definition of pansexual is "not limited or inhibited in sexual choice" with regards to activities or gender of partner(s). You stay; you play by his rules. With his wife out of the way, and more time available, he plans to be a busy boy. You may be No.1, but there's a lineup behind you, and he's put you on notice of that fact. You don't want to bail? Then you'll have to bump along until the good feelings are all gone, your emotions are in shreds, and you can't stand another minute. The sex won't seem so wonderful by then. But, then there'll be the very serious matter of your ruined self-esteem. See a counsellor now to help you with your changing perspectives, and the "letting go." And, always use a condom with this man and get checked regularly for sexually-transmitted infections.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I like to play "baby" with my girlfriend and she goes along with it. I dress like a baby and act like a baby in all ways, if you know what I mean. She likes the mothering and nurturing role to an extent, but now she tells me she's having a real baby -- mine. We have an adult side to our relationship where I don't dress or act in the baby role, and that's how she got pregnant. I don't know what to do. I don't really want another baby in the house, but what other woman will put up with my fetish? I love my girlfriend. She says she won't be getting an abortion because she loves babies, and how can I argue with that? Any suggestions for us? -- Unhappy Baby, East Kildonan

Dear Unhappy Baby: While you may enjoy your baby fetish greatly, you need to know that the enjoyment of other peoples' fetishes usually wear out with their partners. Your girlfriend may be much more excited about the real baby coming than she is about you. She will need a man who is willing to step up and help her in parenting. It's time you saw a psychiatrist or psychologist to work on this so it's not as strong an interest. You may not want to get rid of it totally -- but you need to dial it back now you're going to be a daddy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want a big woman in my life and I am a stringbean of a guy. I hate being skinny and certainly don't need another bag of bones in bed beside me. How do I find a luscious woman who's all curves and softness? -- Looking For Love, Winnipeg

Dear Looking: Your best bet is to go online and get in touch with women who say they are "a few extra pounds" or "zaftig" or "curvy." There are lots of them and they're often rejected by guys who are heavier than they are. A slim guy who wants a curvaceous dumpling is likely to be very popular if he has a nice personality to go with his penchant for plushness.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 6, 2012 A15