In accordance with federal legislation, I would ask you all now to stand, remove your hockey helmets and fuzzy tuques, place one hand over your hearts and prepare yourselves for the patriotic presentation of your holiday-weekend weather forecast.
OK, everyone ready? Good, because here's your official outlook for Canada Day: "Expect to consume your own weight in cold beer and potato chips during the morning, followed by scattered periods of waving tiny Canadian flags, trying to remember the words to the national anthem, getting wicked sunburns, swearing at your (bad word) barbecues and listening to mellow tunes at parties throughout the city, giving way to a 100 per cent chance of gazing skyward at some awesome fireworks along with a bunch of other people who are lucky enough to live in the greatest (bad word) country in the world!"
Yes, this is pretty much the same forecast we gave you last year, but that's not important. What's important is the fact Environment Canada's scientific, computer-generated forecast is EVEN BETTER than mine!
According to the weather office, after a stretch of damp weather that has put our gutters to the test, we are now looking at some serious sunshine with which to celebrate the fact our country is about to turn 146, even though it doesn't look a day older than 130.
The outlook for today calls for mostly sunny skies with a sizzling high of 28 C, which is three entire degrees above the normal high of 25 C for this truly Canadian time of year. On Sunday, there's not a cloud in sight and the high should hang in at 28 C.
Get ready to paint your entire body red and white, because Canada Day is expected to be gloriously sunny with another high of 28 C and a 100 per cent chance you forgot to buy enough (bad word) ice for your backyard barbecue soiree.
There are a lot of fun patriotic things you can do on our nation's birthday to show your true colours, starting with slipping into a red or white T-shirt and marching down to the legislative grounds Monday at 9:30 a.m. to help my friends from the Downtown BIZ form the country's largest living flag.
This is the annual holiday event wherein thousands of patriotic Manitobans stand shoulder to shoulder and flap in the breeze in front of the legislature in a gigantic, rippling Maple Leaf of sweaty humanity.
There'll be entertainment and 2,000 T-shirts will be handed out on a first-come, first-served basis. Photos of the hopefully record-breaking Living Maple Leaf will be taken between 11:15 a.m. and noon. Pre-register at downtownwinnipegbiz.com for a shot at some swell prizes.
After hoisting yourself up the flagpole, drag the kids to celebrations at The Forks, Osborne Village, Assiniboine Park and various venues in St. Boniface for live music, great food, fun, frivolity, frolicking, fireworks and some hardcore flag-waving to show our love for the True North Strong and Free.
I hope to see you all there. I'll be the big sunburned guy with one hand over his heart... and one hand proudly holding an icy cold beverage with a Maple Leaf on the label.
Happy Canada Day!