Pull up a chair, kids, because Uncle Doug needs to tell you a story.
There are days, just like today, when the only way to understand what's going on with Winnipeg's weather is by pondering one of the great works of literature.
In the case of this weekend, we need to immerse ourselves in the pages of a classic fairy tale, by which I mean Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
Trust me on this, kids, I'm an expert.
Anyway, you may recall that, in the beginning of this story, our hero, Goldilocks, basically breaks into the Three Bears' house in the forest and steals -- might as well be honest, right? -- their porridge, which is just sitting on a table in three bowls.
As Uncle Doug recalls, from Goldilocks' perspective, the porridge in the first bowl was "too hot," the porridge in the second bowl was "too cold," and the porridge in the third bowl was (everyone repeat after me now): "Just right!"
And that, kids, is exactly what our weather will be this weekend -- just right! According to Environment Canada, the temperature today and Sunday will neither be sweltering nor bone-chilling; it will be completely and utterly "normal."
What that means is today we are looking at a mix of sun and clouds with a daily high of 15 C, which is spot-on normal for this time of year. On Sunday -- prepare to feel underwhelmed -- we'll be normal again, but without the clouds.
The rest of the week, the mercury will slide back down below normal, with a 40 per cent chance of (bad word) showers on Tuesday, but that is a walk in the park, given the type of spring (a.k.a. The Winter That Wouldn't Die) we have enjoyed so far.
On the upside, there are some seriously normal things we can do this weekend to celebrate the return (albeit briefly) of normal temperatures.
For instance, today you should pop out to St. Vital Centre to take in the final day of the Children's Hospital Book Market, where you can probably find a nice story to read to the kids, not that anything springs to mind at the moment.
And nothing goes better with a good book than a nice glass of wine, so don't forget the 12th Winnipeg Wine Festival, the single largest fundraiser for Special Olympics Manitoba, kicks off Sunday and runs until next Saturday. Tickets for ancillary events are available at www.winnipegwinefestival.com or by calling 204-925-5633, while public tasting tickets are available at Liquor Mart stores or Ticketmaster.
If you'd rather exercise your mind than your palate, check out Spur Winnipeg, a festival for politics, art and ideas at various venues today and Sunday. You'll find a schedule and ticket info at spurfestival.ca.
And for those of you hankering for some ukulele music (and let's face it, who isn't?) you can fill that gap in your life today at 1:30 p.m. by heading to the Millennium Library, reader services department, for Folk Festival in the City: All Ukulele, All The Time. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Whatever you do, please remember the moral of the story Uncle Doug told you at the beginning of this column -- if you break into someone's house and steal their stuff, the weather won't matter, because you'll be spending the weekend behind bars with someone who resembles a large, angry bear.